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And so, as "The Games of the
New Millennium" draw to a close, all those journalists lucky enough
to be there - and many others who were not - reminisce about the most
wonderful, intriguing, and life-changing moments from the past two weeks
by enforcing their opinions and anecdotes upon innocent members of the
public. As Novo's Olympic Correspondents,
Kate Badger and Cameron Bennett - both still fuming at the fact that the
Prime Minister got in free to all the events they could not afford to
attend - considered the online magazine a perfect medium through which
they could do the same. So sit back, and enjoy the medal
ceremonies from Novo's 2000 Olympic Games. BEST
OLYMPIC ADVERTISEMENT
Errol
the sheep led the company to gold through a vigorous training schedule,
and spectacular diet of milk. Upon receiving gold, Errol was quick to
thank his supporting cast of one border collie and Australian Crawl.
While
their 'My Generation' ads quickly became tedious and boring, Ansett
performed brilliantly when Curly was at the helm. Upon receiving silver,
the golden retriever was quick to thank his/her supporting cast - Tamsyn
Lewis.
The 'I don't know how they do it' collection came a solid third, led out well by Liz Weeks' father desperately attempting to keep the water polo goal clear, and brought home with a grand thank you to Sydney's volunteers from Grant Hackett. Finalists = Athletes sponsored by Adidas having their first attempt at equestrian and sailing; the VB boys' imitation of soccer. WORST
OLYMPIC ADVERTISEMENT
A
man travels 20 years into the future, and does not realise it until he's
standing in an art gallery? And that poor lady, learning the sex, name,
and talent of her child before it is born! Very much looking forward to
the 'Back to the Future' sequences in coming ads, though.
By
the end of the Games, we were hoping the car would actually crash into the
wall, instead of stopping on a 5 cent coin.
We
call on all our fellow Australians to boycott the following: Home and Away
(even if there is a landslide in which somebody dies), Blue Heelers (even
if someone gets shot), All Saints (even if someone has an affair), Jag
(even if it is filmed in Sydney), Bad Girls, Treasure Island, City
Central, and especially that show in which 4 girls and 4 guys are set up
by a computer. WORST
PERFORMANCE BY OLYMPIC STAFF
Upon
arriving at an Olympic venue, spectators had an equal chance of being put
through one of two forms of security check: 1) Walk through a metal detector. Twice during our time in Sydney, we witnessed the device's alarm going off. On both occasions, the offender simply continued to walk into the venue. 2)
Have your bag searched by a member of staff, while you walk through
a metal detector. Only once over 14 days was Mr Bennett's bag searched
fully. Half the time, it was not even opened. On other occasions, the
searcher took a look at the top of the bag's contents, asking "there
are no sharp objects or bottles in here, sir?" without checking for
themselves. It certainly would not have been difficult to enter the premises with any or all of SOCOG's banned items, such as: Alcohol, Weapons, Banners and Large, Inflatable Kangaroos. Whoever
put it 5 centimetres too high during the women's all-around tournament
should be shot. Or at least put in a room with the ever cranky Svetlana
Khorkina throughout the new Olympiad.
Until
reading the newspaper on the morning of the session, patrons could not
find out what time each event was starting at Stadium Australia. We at
Novo hope that the athletes found out earlier than this. On one morning,
spectators present at 8:00am for the beginning of the day's athletics
watched the start of the men's 50km walk. The men "walked" one
lap of the stadium, before departing. Spectators spent the next 2 hours
watching the walk on the stadium's video screen, until other events began
at 10:00am. Finalist = The pathetic advertisements encouraging people to buy tickets. In particular, the lady who encouraged us to attend the Games as it was "a once in a lifetime opportunity," even after she had already been to Atlanta in 1996.
At
his fifth Olympics, Maddocks of Great Britain entered the Olympic Stadium
27 minutes after the second last competitor in the 50km walk. Although he
was almost 70 minutes behind the winner, Maddocks' reception was one of
the loudest and most encouraging of the games.
At
the men's handball tournament, the announcer asked the crowd to "put
your hands together for our court sweeping volunteer Michelle - it's her
birthday today!" The Slovenian fans did one better, bringing the
crowd to its feet, and Michelle to her knees in embarrassment as they sang
her 'Happy Birthday' in their native tongue. A moment those present will
never forget.
Everyone in the stadium knew she was not going to make the final. It was the biggest cheer the injured Currey had ever received for throwing 50 metres. Finalists = Jamaica's Lorraine Graham and Britain's Katharine Merry - the second and third placegetters in the women's 400m. Both have said how honored they were to be part of such an event in Australia's history; Of course, the 2 person swimming team from Equatorial Guinea almost crept into the medals here as well.
An example that the ‘no tolerance’ approach to positive drug tests is not always appropriate. When a sick 16-year-old is banned for life for taking a cold tablet given to her in the Olympic Village, by a doctor in her own team - and athletes who have returned multiple positive tests are still competing - there is something wrong with the system.
Yes, she was running and should have been disqualified. Yes, had she been disqualified 2 kilometres earlier, Australia and Saville would not have been so enraged. And yes, for those watching at home, all the other athletes were running too.
Having won three World Championships and six World Leagues during the 1990s, along with the 2000 World League, the Italian men were hoping to remove what they refer to as "the monster" in their attic - and win their first gold medal. Instead, a straight set loss to Yugoslavia in the semi-final left them with tears in their eyes and an even bigger monster to carry towards Athens. Finalists
= Another semi-final loss for the
Kookaburras; Hicham El Guerrouj's shock defeat in the 1500m.
What can be said about this prime example
of Aussie manhood that hasn’t been said before.
I think it can be most eloquently summed up by that immortal
banner… “Rafter is my Sex God!!”
The
thinking woman’s spunky swimmer
The new sport of taekwondo introduced us to this spunky young Victorian. Lets hope that our new found success in the sport means we see more of this young man on our TV screens. Finalists = Matt Dunn, Geoff Huegill, Blair Young, Ji Wallace
Ward's second successive gold medal after she burst onto our television screens in Atlanta.
By far the spunkiest on Australia's track and field squad. Including Pole Vault Barbie.
No idea what her results are like on the track, but it doesn't really concern us either way…she looks great at the post-Olympic parties!
How could you go past the lovely Russian in this category. Tall, dark, handsome and living in Canberra. What more could you want. There
always has to be one spunky sprinter, and this year, Boldon was it.
Not only did he cut a fine form on the track, but he flashed us
that winning smile on numerous TV appearances.
There is just something about tall, tanned guys in not very much… GENUINE
INTERNATIONAL SPUNK (Female)
Won
Bronze in the 800m freestyle, but more famous in Australia for being the
spunk smothering Misty Hyman with hugs and kisses in the pool after she
shocked the country by winning the 200m butterfly.
The hitter is regarded as the Kournikova of volleyball. Novo, however, hope Erika realises she is more talented, gorgeous, and gifted with more pure spunkiness than the absent Russian tennis player. Finalists = Slovakian 3-point specialist Zuzana Zirkova; Canadian swimmer Jo Malar, the Commonwealth champion in this event. BEST
EVENT TO SEE LIVE
Bondi's
carnival atmosphere went off, the beach itself was buzzing, the locals
were ecstatic, and the protesters were non-existent. There could not have
been a more beautiful setting for the competition, and to cap it off, two
lovely Aussie girls won the biggest tournament of their lives. We at Novo
hope that all those who believed that the sport should be removed from the
Olympics were present for a session of play at Bondi. 10,000 screaming
fans and 48 talented and hard-working athletes would have made them see
the light.
In
the first Post-Carl final, Cuban Ivan Pedroso defeated Aussie Jai Taurima
on his very last jump. Both were ecstatic with their results, and the
crowd could not have witnessed a more exciting contest.
Matches in the preliminary round were played in The Dome, a very intimate 10,000 seat stadium. The Opals always played to raucous sold-out stadiums, and left the crowd delirious with excitement as they went undefeated through their pool matches. Finalists
= Anything involving medallists from the
Genuine Spunk competitions.
Apparently, this mixture of drowning and ballet was the most popular sport for spectators in Atlanta. Having taken note, SOCOG priced tickets for the preliminary competition at between $140 and $35, and the finals at between $405 and $95, leaving thousands upon thousands of empty seats at the pool. Strange people, those Americans.
At the Olympics, spectators could pay $80 for a day of first round matches, and $125 to see the men's third round and 2 women's quarter-finals. At the Australian Open - an event which players are more determined to attend and win - spectators can pay $28 and $54 for the same days, and $283 for 10 days of action including all the quarter-finals.
While enjoying one of the best bargains at the games, $19 B seats with superb views of the Volleyball, I couldn’t understand why people would fork out $50 for a similar seat about 5 metres closer?
BARGAINS
$19 for a seat in the grandstand at the baseball ($10 if you were willing to sit on the grass behind the outfield) or for 2 matches of volleyball or handball. Consider here that a ticket to one Canberra Cannons match is worth $16.
Lithuania only lost to the US men's basketball team by 2 points. Had their NBA star Zydrunas Ilgauskas not been injured, they may even have knocked off the Dream Team. Will this make the Americans send their best team next time in an attempt to save face?
In the words of Rampaging Roy Slaven, "Dickhead". Upon hearing of her Novo silver medal, Perec claimed that she would have won gold if only she was present in Sydney.
The defending gold medallist in the 100m lost his second round race in a time of 11.36 seconds. Finalists = Madame Butterfly; Lleyton Hewitt.
From drums at the beach volleyball to trumpets at the basketball, to the horribly catchy chants at the volleyball, the Brazillians easily won Gold as the best non-Australian supporters. Indeed, they also won over Aussie volleyball supporters by handing out hundreds of authentic Brazillian cheer squad T-shirts at their matches, encouraging the locals to join in whenever the Brazillian chants were in English.
The experience of sitting outside Pavillion 2 and watching the hordes of Norwegian handball fans - looking splendid in their predominantly red T-shirts and face paint, each with their own cow bell - was astonishing, if occasionally deafening after a Norwegian victory.
Any country who brings their own cheer squad of 8 scantily clad females should be applauded. There seemed to be more Korean fans present at the games than any other country spare Australia, and their entertainment value could only have been improved had we known what on earth they were saying. Perhaps the largest overseas cheersquad of the games, though, was created when the Brazillians provided hundreds of Korean volleyball fans with authentic Brazillian T-shirts, which were reciprocated with Korean flags. Needless to say, the newly formed alliance created much support for Brazil in the first match of the day, only equaled by the support for Korea in the second match. Finalists = Slovenia and Slovakia. MOST
ENDEARING AUSTRALIAN
By the time the Battlers' Prince sat on the Olympic flame, one of the World's greatest stuffed animals had brought people together from all walks of life, and personified the Australian Olympic spirit.
We at Novo are not entirely sure of his sexuality, however the trampolinist’s genuine excitement at winning a silver medal was one of the most dreadfully heartwarming moments of the Games. Not entirely sure about the sport itself, though…
May you be comfortable forever more. Finalists = Timmsy, Drewey, Currey, and Monners MOST
ENDEARING TOURIST
The degree of difficulty was particularly high for Bolden in this event, as he is one of those rarely likable specimens: a professional sprinter.
Check out this month's Net's Best Sports Writing for more on Mutola.
Anyone whose mates are already getting drunk at 9:00am to watch Hoogie swim his heart out, has to be close to the top of the Most Endearing competition. Finalists = Massimiliano Rosolino (Italy Swimmer), Jon Drummond (US Athletics) LEAST
ENDEARING OLYMPIAN
He may have added a second silver to take his Olympic tally up to 2 gold and 2 silver, but the Russian women's coach was still his usual loud self. Each new crowd at the Entertainment Centre would realise during the first set that the coach was berating his players - particularly the setter - with extremely loud outbursts of rage, and would consequently boo him at times during the match. Apparently the players respect his results enough to respect him also. We at Novo are simply glad that we never had a coach like him, and hope that he does not linger around the sport for much longer.
In the words of Rampaging Roy Slaven, "Dickhead". Upon hearing of her Novo silver medal, Perec claimed that she would have won gold if only she was present in Sydney.
Dokic claims that she will never represent her country again as a protest against the treatment of her father by the Australian media and the WTA. What Ms Dokic really meant to say was, "At the Olympics, I'm not a player and never really will be." WORST
PERFORMANCE BY CHANNEL 7
The most widely publicised Channel 7 goof - missing the start of the race due to a commercial break. How embarrassment.
Australians had seen Cathy Freeman run her 400m final no less than 6 times before The Dream began later that night. Indeed, after Australia's victory in the three-day equestrian, Australians were shown the last three riders in the show-jumping AGAIN on the following day. The parents and friends of Australians in other events must have been even more furious than we were at the fact that these events were repeated endlessly, while other sports were being ignored
Can someone please explain to the producers that sports they ignored such as volleyball, handball, and badminton are much more entertaining to the majority of their viewership than is the frequently shown dressage!!! (Ed Note: described by someone during the games as ‘parallel parking a horse’) BEST
JOB FOR A VOLUNTEER
After each throw of the hammer, a remote control car would enter the arena to retrieve the implement. Not only did the volunteer in control of the buggie have a great view of the goings-on inside Stadium Australia, they also had a cool toy to show-off to the 100,000 people inside Stadium Australia.
These lucky volunteers only had to emerge from under their umbrellas in between matches at the beach volleyball to sweep the sand. A sheltered seat next to the playing field in exchange for emerging once every hour or so to stretch the legs…the Olympics were really tough for these guys!
One volunteer just sat trackside in Stadium Australia with his paper. He looked up now and again whenever an interesting event was on during the morning, before he was sprung into action for the last few races of the day began. For each race of the 4x400m relay, he had to place some small green cones at the place where the runners could cross and run on the inside lane. WORST
JOB FOR A VOLUNTEER
Along with all the glamour jobs of the games came the truly crappy. For the week we spent in Maroubra, the same guy stood at the spectator bus stop all day. He counted people on to buses and chatted to the bus drivers. He performed an important service, but I wonder if he actually got to see any of the games!!
BEST
OPENING CEREMONY MOMENT
As the World struggled to understand much of Australia's Opening Ceremony, we Aussies could not contain our amusement when the First Fleet arrived in the Stadium, with a subtle addition: a rabbit in a cage.
Seen chasing cardboard sheep during the ceremony, Roger deserved at least silver simply because he is a dog.
Praise be to the two men wearing their JJJ T-shirts during the ceremony. It was only a cameo appearance, but it certainly made us wonder whether or not such a competition could be held as successfully in any other country! Finalists = The Man From Snowy River; The lighting of the Flame. EVENTS
WE DON'T WANT TO SEE IN ATHENS
We may reconsider this judgment if the competitors actually walk during the competition.
We may reconsider this judgment if the competitors actually walk during the competition.
We may reconsider this judgment if the competitors actually walk during the competition. Finalists = Synchronised Swimming; Individual Dressage (Freestyle) Horses should never have to dance to really bad elevator music…Australia are very good at the dressage during the three-day event, though, so we certainly want it to be an integral part of the Games for many years to come!
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