This is in answer to the Joint custody dad who spoke of feeling more and more like a NCP. I am almost (I hope ) a Joint mum custodial parent and I fully agree with what you said...it really hit home................................................. How indeed does one become a nonparent for a day or two or a week. Just because your child isnt with you doesnt mean you dont think of them every second,minute, hour of the day. As a mum I think of my baby boy all the time and that without all the COURT CRAP my ex husband is throwing my way is enough to WEAR ME DOWN TOO...
Dealing with the court system, including the friend of the court, it became quickly apperant that men have NO RIGHTS or even the most minimal consideration as humans. Most workers in the Friend of the Court are divorced women and they are biased against men. Men could could be saints and they often are treated like common trash. I found that there was no court order my ex-wife could not break and none that I dared to test. I found that the well being of my children took second place to the FOC's need to support some social engineering agenda on behalf of my ex-wife. For example, My exwife had custody of my daughter and during that time my ex-wife let her run wild without and supervision. My daughter was in trouble and skipping school. I tried to get the FOC to investigate it and they told me they would only after they warned my exwife of the impending investigation. I was told, by FOC, if the roles were reversed, I would not have been given any warning. The system needs to be fixed and men's rights need to be protected as well as womens. Children needs must come first.
Well legally I have joint custody because I never went to court to get full custody of my Son. Yet I feel I have full custody because his father supports him in no way. My son is almost two and the amount of money he has given him you could count on your finger. His father sees him frequently and they play all the time, yet he does not give me any money for the baby. I am 20 years old and live on my own. I work one full-time job and one part-time job just to get by. It gets to be a lot when my son is sick or needs something and I cannot give it to him. At first I didn't ask his father for anything I would just get it my self, but then I realized that was unfair to me. His father is 19 years old and even though I understand that is young it doesn't matter. I don't have a choice so neither should he. He has shown his immaturity.
I do not receive public assistance because I feel like I can work for whatever I need. I don't receive help from my parents because they told me not to get pregnant in the first place. I like taking care of my son but it is frustrating at times when his father acts like he is the world's greatest dad and he isn't. I was still having a relationship with him but now I find that I don't want to anymore. I feel proud to be a single parent because I feel I am beating the odds everyday that I get up and take care of my family. See I made a child and it is no one responsibility to take care of that child but mine and the father's. And if he won't accept the challenge then I will do it all my self...
...unfortunately i am guilty until proven inocent. all kinds of lies are believed in court. it got me as far as supervised visitation which i pay for in addition to high support. i am very good father and this is very unjust. she even got scasa, a supervision agency to tell blatant lies on me and on my family to aid in taking away my regular visitation with my daughters. what their motives were i do not know, but it proves to me they are not there for the children because they played a big part in this and it is doing a lot of harm to my 5 yr old to all of a sudden lose our precious time together and it is greatly interfering with the bonding process between my baby and me. i am being forced to pay an extremely high attorney bill to try to get my children back and also for a 730 psyc evaluation. story is too long and involved but i hope the system proves in the end to be more fair than it has shown so far to be. the wellbeing of two little angels depends on it!!!
i am curious if anyone knows anything about scasa, any experiences with it? i have since changed to a much more reasonable agency that i am comfortable with as long as i am in the immediate court process. how about false allegations?
I will keep it short and truthful. I got married at 18yrs old. We had problems from the start. It was mainly second thoughts and things like that. We were married in 1987 and we grew further and further apart. It got to the point where I found comfort in other women, drinking and all that stuff. She was doing the same. We had our daughter three years after the marriage and we grew closer than we had ever been. Then she just stopped all of a sudden and said she didn't really love me any more around 1991. That is where well began to tumble and it was no stopping. We had a new house and everything going for us. I moved away because the stress was causing alot of police visits and I was really a mess. That was in 1994. I immediately filed for custody of our daughter and though a long battle was given joint-custody.
During that time, I filed for divorce and she was served at the courthouse on the day the custody decision was announced. We were officially divorced in 1995. Since that time, she has dragged me into court for almost any and everything imaginable. The whole time all of this is going on, my daughter and I was and still remain restricted as far as our relationship goes because her mother calls the shots and I am fed up with it. I rarely go to see her because I feel so terrible at this point because I cannot be there for her everyday. She feels different tpwards me and to tell you the truth, I actually hate when she comes around me and my other two kids(by my new fiance) because its like she is "tape recording" for her mother. Why? Everytime she comes and I have something new or things look different financially, she tells her mother and her mother pulls me back in court for support. I have gone to court for support more than ten times in the last twelve months ... I am repeatedly being legally harrassed and I am at my breaking point. I need help, now or I will have a mental breakdown. I just want peace.
If you know of anything in the Utica, NY area that could help me emotionally, legally, or anything let me know. lawjan@prodigy.net
My ex-husband leaves the caring and raising of the children responsibilities to me whereas he merely provide me the alimony to support the children which I am grateful enough. Otherwise I'll be in great difficulty, not only juggling between my work and caring of the children but also worry about the financial problem. With his help I am able to just enough to make ends meet. Sometime I am jealous of his freedom to socialise whereas I have to stay at home to take care of my children every day. Probably this is a punishment from god for my past wrondoings...
Hi I'm a 22 y/o single dad whose daughter spends 2 and 1/2 days a week with me. I pay her mother child support that I think is fair considering I'm a college student. My daughter's mother and I have a very good coparenting relationship now but that was not always the case. She became pregnant when we were both 19. It was a surprise (atleast to me). Our relationship suffered a unbelievable amount of strain due to this added pressure, and finally I ended it a couple months after the baby was born. My intention was always to be involved in my child's life. Her mom took the breakup very personally (I understand the fear of being a 20 y/o single mom) and at first would not let me see my daughter. I took her to court and luckily a stern but fair law guardian realized my good intentions and influenced mom's side to be a little more resonable. Today 2 yrs. later her mother and I work around each other's schedule and I think have developed a mutual repect for one another as parents. I have no question to her love for our daughter. My only advice for parents is to be patient, it will start off a very rocky road. But as a wise professor once told me a child is made up both physically and mentally of both parents. So fighting creates alot of turmoil inside of them. If you have to turn the other cheek in arguments, its not about you anymore. The child comes first.
My son said his father's 21 yr. old different race girlfriend abused him. I don't know that this is true but I don 't know that this is not true. My son told his father he was not happy that he was living there and that he wanted to live at mom's but his dad refused. I asked [my son] if he was just mad at his dad because he had a girlfriend or if he was genuinely unhappy! Well, when he refused to go home... I had no choice but to pay atteniton. I have not seen my son for 3 weeks and his Dad claims I was in contempt of court. My son told the ...County Sherriff's Dept that if they made him go home he would run away....But after investigation in [his father's state] they said no problem....What do you expect when his Dad makes so much money and I and my husband do good to clear 25,000.00 a yr. especially now with me a full time college student? I love my son and only want waht is best for him but his Dad is a control freak how can I compete wiht that money? After all, MONEY TALKS & BULLSHIT WALKS...HE GAVE AN ATTORNEY 30,000 + I SAW THE INVOICE, How can I compete with that.....I haven't made that much in one year,,,,where I live right now costs less than that and I have to make payments on that....not to mention I have spent about 7,500 in attorney's fees in three times in court!!!
HELP.....!!!!!!NCSHELL@EMAIL.WOMEN.COM
My divorce was final in October. We have joint custody for all three children. The younger two 9 and 13 live with me thee 16 year old loves with their father. It is extremely difficult for me. I recieve no child support. My income when I work overtime is greater than his. I believe when the oldest turns 18 I will go back to the court but I am going to try and hold out another 18 months. I have no extended family and the church family we had choose to support my exhusband and ostracize me. Somedays I just want to give up. I cannot get everything done and I am going farther and farther into debt.
Since [my ex] is having [our son] more lately, I suspect that I'm gradually attaining NCP status, and I don't think I'm adjusting well to it. Don't think I want to, either.
Becoming a single custodial dad opened up all sorts of new possibilities for me and for my relationship with my son. Becoming less involved of late has really left a huge hole in my life and in my heart. I don't want one minute of our togetherness to be considered any different than another. I want them all to be special, I want them all to be filled with magic and wonder.
Instead, I end up wondering what the hell is going on. How can I live with one foot in his life and one foot out of it? It was easier when he was the only thing I had going. I had plenty of excuses not to go out and get a life. He was top priority, and everything else followed. Now that I don't have him a few nights of the week, I can't figure out how to re-prioritize. And when I spend time on *me*, like everyone suggests, I end up almost resenting getting [my son] back. It's as if I need to either be a parent or not, and it's terribly difficult to keep readjusting from one to the other.
I realize that I'll always be a parent, but there are times when the rights and responsibilities are taken away from me by circumstance. So how does one become an "unparent" for the day?
I'm feeling quite worn down by it...
This divorce has been the most difficult thing that I have ever done in my life... Two years ago I caught my husband having an affair...He confessed to two earlier affairs... We were divorced...this year. He continues to date the same two women [he started dating weeks after our separation], maybe more. I try not to ask because it still hurts like hell... The children are suffering the grief and loss of the life they knew and loved. My ex and I are grieving the loss of each other...
He is extremely lonely and keeps our son about half the time, probably more like 1/3 of the time. Our daughter will only see him occasionally. I encourage her but they have a major rift going on over the infidelities, plus have never gotten along very well. I couldn't afford to stay in our house, plus I didn't want to. My husband felt that he had the right to come and go as he pleased in that house, even after we were separated and divorced. So I have purchased another house in a neighborhood that is close to the old one, so that the schools are still the same. The house is about 1/2 of the value of the one that we lived in when we were married. My husband kept that house and refinanced it. My kids hate the house I purchased. I am only beginning to feel comfortable here.
I am not making financial ends meet at this point. I am getting no financial help from my husband though he had agreed to do so. The children are very unhappy. My family has supported me, but mostly begrudgingly. They believe that you should stay married basically no matter what... I am exhausted and would like to run away from the whole mess. I hate to think that I tried so hard for so long and still couldn't make a success of something so very important.
I can't believe that 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce now Note. Just the sheer magnitude of the pain that all of those ex-wives, ex-husbands, and their children are in is hard to fathom. It is a wonder we don't all just self-destruct. Society is very much against us and unless a person has been here, he cannot possibly understand the feelings of sorrow, anger, hopelessness, loneliness. Still I hope for tomorrow.
The greatest sadness in my life was when the judge declared that my (then) wife should get custody of the two youngest. They had been living with me exclusively for 9 months after she moved out to live with her "lover" (another parent who walked away from a spouse and children). The rationale was that they were so young, and, needed their mother's presence. She did it (she told us flatly) for the money. About 5 months later my daughter had re-established a relationship with her mother. She approached me and asked if she might go to live with her. At the same time, my position (work) was "downsized". I was offered a position (the area we lived in was very rural) with a company that I used to work for. Except this branch was 250 miles away. I wanted to be fair to my daughter and son. I asked what they wanted to do (I had already spoken with their mother in regards them potentially moving in with her). They both opted to stay in the area with her.
So, here I am. Within 5 months of the divorce, without my children. I don't get to earn enough (between child support and bills from the divorce and to live) to see them. It is now one year later. I have seen them for a total of two weeks in all that time. I don't write or call them anymore because it hurts so very much to say good bye. The company with whom I accepted the position was bought out last month by another company. They decided to do away with their most recent employees; so, even though I have an accrued 4 years with them, I was only employed for less than a year this last time; and, you guessed it. I am now out of a job again. I recall the movie "labyrinth" in which a young girl turns to the character played by David Bowie, and says, "That's not fair, you changed the rules." To which David replies, "My little girl, who was it that ever told you life was fair?"
Life goes on. I just pray I have the courage to call my kids. The youngest's birthday is this week. And, I haven't spoken with them in over two months....
I can say that it has taken all of the 12 years of separation to make our situation work. I left, I lost the children, the house and everything else. My children lived with their father for about 7 years and his remarriage caused many difficulties both for the children and myself.
Calendars of visitation need to be decided upon a year at a time - then no one can say they didn't know and also it gives everyone the chance to rearrange things or dispute early enough in the year. It's also a good idea to send copies of the yearly calendar to grandparents, aunts and uncles so they can plan too. Post the calendar on the fridgerator so the children can plan...they like to be involved.
I can tell you it's hard and only after being through many years of therapy, everyone, have we come to understand that it's the kids that matter...and nothing else. This takes a lot of maturity to recognize the difference between your child's needs and your own needs. You need to fill both [yourself]...not your ex or the kids. Both, all actually (meaning every family member including aunts, uncles, and grandparents) need to be able to step away and be objective on all accounts.
When do you invite the other parent? Always. When do you include the other parent? Always. If you can't handle that then make sure you find ways of having the other parent involved safely with enough distance between you so that both the kids and the parents can enjoy events. Until you can agree, do it in writing...just like a business agreement between mom and dad...
No matter what, no matter how much you cannot agree, you have to find a way to provide a united front to your children if they are going to grow up in any normal fashion. You cannot let the kids manipulate in any way. You as the parents must be the adults at all times-you are in charge-both of you. Be real with your children, they know it's hard because its hard on them too, just keep reassuring them that you both love them and that no matter what you are going to work together for their benefit.
Suck it up parents, deal with the issues, swallow your pride, forgive and forget, accept the new spouses and teach your children how to do the same. Everyone has to start somewhere to grow up and it begins with you. If your children see you doing it, no matter what it is, they will follow your example. Remember that, every time you complain, hold a grudge, judge, swear, get angry, drink, smoke, yell, criticize etc...you model what you want them to become. Be forgiving, accepting, slow to anger and quick to love...they will follow. Remember, it takes two people for almost everything, to love, to fight, to play, to hurt, to forgive, to marry, and to divorce -
No one is perfect. Marriage is hard and divorce is harder - I've been there and I know it's tough, it's lonely, it's heartbreaking and every other adjective you can come up with. But I also know how wonderful my children are and how much they light up my world and my ex-husband's world. You have to become friends...You are there now...don't lose hope and don't give up, enjoy your life and your children! If anybody wants to talk, I'm available, I struggle too...my email is as follows: kridge@std.saic.com
God bless you!!!
Back According to Pollster Louis Harris, "The idea that half of American marriages are doomed is one of the most specious pieces of statistical nonsense ever perpetuated in modern times."
J. Allan Petersen, in BETTER FAMILIES, wrote that it "began when the Census Bureau noted that during one year, there were 2.4 million marriages and 1.2 million divorces. Someone did the math without calculating the 54 million marriages already in existence, and presto, a ridiculous but quotable statistic was born."
Harris concludes, "Only one out of eight marriages will end in divorce. In any single year, only about 2 percent of existing marriages will break up."
...My wife left, taking an apartment and leaving me with my children both of whom were by that time confined to wheelchairs, my son not being able to walk, talk, eat or drink, and being tube fed and kept clean in diapers. I managed to cope with looking after both my children and work (in the home by the good grace of my employer), for a period of two and a half years, during which my wife had little or no contact with the children, appearing not to want any. Frequently I would call her and ask if she would speak to my daughter or son, she would start screaming at me over the telephone, saying that I didn't understand and that she wasn't able to cope with talking to them. Her "councilor" called me on several occasions and said that what I had done by calling her and asking her to talk to the children, could be constituted as abuse!!
In July 1996, I agreed wholeheartedly when her "councilor" called and asked if the children could go and visit with their mother for a whole month. My heart leapt at the thought of her wanting them again and seeing their faces when they saw her. Indeed the children were overwhelmed. However, at the end of the month I was so looking forward to their return, as I had missed them dreadfully. I received a phone call from my wife stating that she was keeping the children and wanted their things delivered. I was devastated!
Time went on and eventually we were to go to court to determine custody. On the day of the "hearing" I got to the courthouse early, only to be witness to my wife, her councilor and her attorney heading into the Judges chambers for a "meeting". My attorney turned up just as our case was called, by the time we got into the courtroom the Judge had already made his decision. Not only did I lose custody of my children, but my wife had asked that my visitation be held to Friday (after the children left school) through Saturday 5pm, thus meaning that in order to go and pick up my children I had to leave my work at 3pm on a Friday afternoon. She wanted to take the children to church on a Sunday morning.... I offered to take the children to church with me on a Sunday, but she insisted it had to be HER church (Mennonite). The Judge agreed to almost anything she asked. She walked away from that courtroom with half of my net salary, 65% of the VALUE of the house (which I had to refinance) AND (which hurt the most) my children!
Since that time she has remained bitter, angry and very twisted and disturbed. She attempts to keep the children from me at every opportunity. She tells the children to pray that their father doesn't go to Hell as an adulterer (which I have NEVER been, although, technically, I did have a girlfriend just prior to my divorce, whom I am soon to marry).
How can all of this be right for my children? What are the courts thinking of when they choose to make such decisions on behalf of the children?
Although I understand that women were give a rough deal for many, many years, is this the right way of redressing the situation, by turning the world on it's head and depriving a man of his children and children of their father?
...I live in... Canada. I have been divorced from my first husband now for 10 years. ...It was a mutual decision that the ex take defacto care and control of the children with me having access as per our agreement. It was also decided that we have joint custody. Right from the word go everything that we mutually agreed upon with the access and custody agreement went wrong. My ex husband refused access whenever he was angry at me. Nothing I ever did was good enough. Trips with the children went well enough until they came home to their father and then all heck broke loose. They were grilled for hours at a time as to where they went, what they ate, if their mother and step-father drank alcohol etc. Happy excursions with the children ended up as nightmare visits. Eventually the children were not allowed to bring personal belongings to my house for fear that I would steal or keep them. It didn't matter if they were things that I myself had purchased for them. Also it got to the point too that I keep a separate wardrobe for them to wear when they came. Same reasons.
All of a sudden I was not a good parent because I fed the children things such as Kraft Dinner while camping. I also allowed them to stay too long in the sun and every rash or itch they developed were a result of my inadequate care of them on their visits to my home. Telephone calls to my children were tape recorded and then entered into my ex's personal computer. The children were allowed to read all divorce documents and made to believe that since my ex had defacto care and control that meant he was to make all decisions regarding their care.
Access to school functions for myself was limited since my ex had made arrangements with the school to monitor my comings and goings. I was never allowed to pick them up or stop by the school to see them unannounced. The children's babysitter was under the impression that I was dead.
Over time the children were brainwashed to the point that now they absolutely refuse to see me and since we all live in the same city it has been extremely hard on me emotionally that I cannot have a loving normal relationship with them despite the fact that I am no longer living with their father.
I feel the system failed me in that all of the conditions that were in the divorce and custody agreement were blatantly ignored by my ex spouse and without legal help I cannot do anything about it. I am not rich.
I am twice divorced. I was married to my son's father for 1.5 years; to my daughter's father for 7 years. My 1st husband backed away almost totally from my son after I remarried. He's taken on a more active role recently. In fact, he wants my son to live with him. My 2nd husband is serving a prison term. My daughter & son visit him monthly. I receive no child support from either father. I currently have 2 jobs which has posed some problems, but I have reduced my hours on my 2nd job. This has made our budget VERY tight, causing me to have to cut back on many comforts we have come to know, but I would rather sacrifice these amenities rather than my teens....
I am not bitter towards either father & I do recognize that fathers are needed in their children's lives - even those who make mistakes. I had a tough time with my son last summer. I was involved with someone who spent a lot of time at our house & he & my son just did not hit it off. I often found myself in the middle of their arguments with each of them testing me to see where my loyalties lay. The situation got too out of hand, so now my friend & I see each other once in a while. After this experience, I decided it was not a good time for relationships...
I worry about having a life outside my children, too. It seems all I do is work & come home. I'm thankful my problems with them are minimal and I do enjoy them but I wouldn't mind having an activity that I do just for me...
I'll say what I tell my teens all time time. Be careful who you choose for marriage. It's for life (or supposed to be). If you're already married with children & you've tried everything, but divorce seems inevitable, don't lock the father out of your children's lives. Children need their father's presence, not just their money. This may not be evident until it's too late. Stepfathers are just that - a step removed. They can never replace the biological parent. No matter what you think of their father, they will still love them....and should! Let your children form their own opinion about their father.
I had sole custody when we divorced... I also had the right to move out of the state. I was taken to court 3 times for custody and won the first 2. The last one however, never got to the hearing stage. My ex lied his way into court and somehow got an Order for Temporary Custody without me even being in the state or being notified of the order. I was 9 months pregnant with #5 when I was served the papers (he also took me back to court 8 months pregnant with #4). My kids had a Law Guardian that said that my boys wanted to live with their dad...and my daughter wanted to live with me in our new home-state..., so instead of dragging them through another court battle, I settled. I knew that my boys would always be there for me and I would rather see them only once in a while than have them live with me and hate me.
My ex had (and still does) private investigators investigate me, and when he couldn't come up with anything, he hired one in [the state] where my present husband had lived for [several] years. He brainwashed my son over the telephone by making him promises that he knew he couldn't keep. But a 9 yr old (at the time) doesn't see that. All my boys saw was daddy had money and bought them things and mommy couldn't afford anything. My ex also didn't want all the kids at first, he just wanted my oldest. The one that he could never get through to because of our special bond.
My ex swore he'd get back at me for leaving him and he has. Since my boys have gone to live with their father, my oldest has tried to commit suicide, has gone from a straight A Honor Student to just getting by, he's been suspended from school two times already this year, and he has died his dark brown hair blond. My younger son was diagnosed with depression by a licensed Psychologist when he was with me this past summer, but his father refuses to do anything about it. He does have my boys in counseling, but my younger son doesn't like her and won't talk to her. But yet this counselor tells me every time I talk to her, that my son is doing fine and is progressing well. He is also falling behind in school. And yet my ex still claims that he's the better parent. But yet when we were married, I was the best mom in the world, a lot better than he thought I'd ever be.
I am currently looking for work to be closer to my boys and plan on being closer by the end of Jan. My boys need me close by so I can stop what that monster is doing to them.
I am not in any way better or worse than my ex. BUT, I can say that I want to raise and nurture my children and so does he. I now live with my fiancee and his father in a two bedroom apartment and my two daughters (8&9yrs) sleep in the livingroom. They do need their own room eventually very soon, but for now it is all any of us can afford being as we are all self-employed in a small business that for now is barely paying our bills plus I get a very meager amount from AFDC which does of course help.
But in the 15 years that I have known my ex, he has had one legit job which folded due to an injury at work which settled for [about $30,000] in his favor. He never has financially helped me with the girls and he has abandoned them for months at a time, several times due to the fact that he also now has two more daughters (2&5yrs) and a stepson (15yrs) and of course a girlfriend (who doesn't like kids in general) who also depends on him. My girls share a room with their sisters in his 3 bedroom home. I pay for everything my children wear, eat, or enjoy. He never even offered me a cent of his settlement and when I asked for a meager $1,000 dollars his response was "I don't need to give you money for my kids, they can come live with me and I will then support them."
I must say that I am the more responsible one and he is like the kids playmate and they do not respect him as an adult should be and he does not enforce that they do due to guilt over their separation from him. Now he wants them to go to school where he lives (2hrs from me) and then the next year back with me. I don't want them academically deprived because it's always important to have a fulfilling experience in the things that are gonna make your status in life successful or not.
I wish my children did not have to deal with all of this, but they do. So I just try my hardest to see that they feel loved and have the time to spend with their dad. My oldest daughter wants to live with her dad and my youngest daughter wants to live with me. That would not be such a problem except for the fact that the two have grown very close to one another through this whole ordeal. It breaks my heart to not to be able to allow my oldest to live with her father and the youngest with me. They cry when the other is not there and I am not willing to separate such a beautiful bond. But I feel their father is not capable mentally to deal with our two girls and his other two children together. Besides that my youngest will not willingly live with him because she is so attached to me. And it is awfully hard for my oldest not to be with her dad because she is so close to him. It's a rough, heartbreaking, long road with no right or wrong answers for me, which is the hardest when I want to do what is best for them together and individually.
If anybody can suggest a solution or have some input that they would like to share, please leave your thoughts for those that may need to realize others' insights and views.
Well, it's a long story, but here goes.
... After a spiraling depression met it's bottom in my ex, she left me, with the child in my care. I told her that I love her, and about three days later she came back into our house, and told me she wanted a divorce, and that she still wanted to be involved in our son's life, but didn't quite know what role she would play at that moment. I said "bullshit", "you're his mother, I don't want a divorce, but regardless of our marriage, you are gonna be his mother." About 18 months later, we were divorced.
Because of my understanding of child development, and my belief that my ex needed to substantiate, and re-enforce her relationship with our son, I accepted that she would have residential custody of our son, with joint custody being the legal agreement. I worked hard, and pressed for a reasonable visitation schedule, and I was able, at great personal sacrifice, to avoid the intervention of any public employees/counselors.
...The agreement splits holidays so that he spend three major holiday's with her, and the other three with me. He spends Father's/Mother's day with the appropriate parent, and we compromise so that he sees both of us on his birthday [and his time during the other weeks of the year is split between parents].
... When he was an infant, and as a toddler, I didn't think that it was good for him to be moved (shuttled) from one person to the other, (ie. from mother to daycare to father to mother. In the time since our initial seperation, until early this summer, she allowed me plenty of generous visitations, during the times when I was not working, and the child would have otherwise been in daycare.
As he got older, outgrowing the separation anxiety of his younger age, I felt it would be good for him to spend more time with his father. It was at this time, (the beginning of the summer of 97) that my ex-wife and I started to have disagreements about what was parenting time that best served the child's interests...
Our current dispute is apparently centered around this simple disagreement.
"Are the child's best interest better served by?"
A. A regular, year long, schedule where he attends a daycare consistently,
and during the same hours of the same days every week.
B. spending time with an available parent outside a daycare facility,
and living the lifestyle that would be reflective of the life he would
have had, had his parents not divorced. (The basic tenet of determining
the amount paid in child support.)
...In all honesty, I have very few complaints about the relationship our son has with either parent. Sometimes I think that our son is mothered too much by his mother, or that she's trying to build a small wall between us, but all of a sudden she suprises me with a phone call to talk about some particular family issue about "MY" family. I know very little about the day-by-day relationships between them, and from what I've read, there's no way to guess from his behavior with me...
Last updated 20 March, 2000