With
all the stuff I've told you during this adventure, you might think you've heard it
all. Then again, I've left enough hints scattered around that there's still a whole
lot more left unsaid. Have you ever heard of PTSD? It is the commonly
accepted 4-letter contraction for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I had never heard
of it myself until a year or so ago - that is, I hadn't heard that name, but I'd certainly
come across the condition before in novels and movies.
A war veteran
hears a loud noise and dives for cover, holding his ears and yelling. A rape victim
has vivid flashbacks of her trauma which seem so real she gags and screams. You've
probably seen these things, too. That's PTSD.
Now why would I be
mentioning this? Severe emotional abuse (in my case, as a result of a spouse's mental
illness) can leave deep psychological scars - and in my case remarriage was a trigger for
some very strange PTSD-like reactions.
To some this
admission may be just the proof they were looking for that I sinned by remarrying. I
can't defend myself against such accusations - I don't even want to anymore. God is my
judge.
Jesus said, quite
categorically, in regard to marriage and divorce,
"...the two
will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God
has joined together, let man not separate."
In the Old
Testament, the prophet Malachi writes,
" 'I
hate divorce', says the Lord God of Israel... "
Many Christians
stop there. I did, for years.
Another passage
where I stopped too early is in 1 Corinthians, Chapter 7. Verse 10 says,
"To the
married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her
husband [Full stop]"
One day, desperate
with fatigue, driven to screaming point with frustration and emotional pain, I threw
myself on the bed and cried out to God, "I'm sorry, Lord! I just don't see how
I can go on like this!" I made a decision that day to 'give up'. It was the
first of many significant turning points.
The words 'give
up' didn't exist in my vocabulary. They were anathema. You didn't just 'give up' -
you could always keep going somehow. Nonetheless, I told God I wasn't going to do it
anymore - I was g..g..giving up. I was so sorry to disappoint Him, but I trusted
that somehow He would still be able to do whatever it was He had planned... it would just
have to be without me because I was unable to go on. And you know what? I
almost heard God cheering! Now He could really get somewhere with me.
Remember the story
of the drowning man. His rescuer stayed close by, waiting for him to tire before moving in
to drag him to safety. It is hard to save someone who mindlessly struggles against your
attempts.
Why I was so
strong-minded about this I don't know. I suspect it has something to do with
'religion' which can be really bad for you! Zeal is a good thing, if the purpose is
good, but it can be so easily misguided.
I'll let you in on
a secret. God wanted me to give up. It was Him who prompted it. Are you
surprised? I was. More, I was shocked. Eventually, I was delighted.
Verse 11 of 1
Corinthians 7, goes on to say, after the part about not separating from the husband,
"But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her
husband."
God underlined
those words and highlighted them in big, bold red letters for me, just like I did for
you. I had never noticed them before. In my surprise, I took them, and showed Him,
and said,
"Lord, did
you put those there? I accept."
Once the truth
sank in, I was in awe of God in a fresh way. He was even better than I thought. I knew He
was perfect, so that didn't make sense, but my appreciation of Him had matured. Here was a
God who understood. He wasn't afar off handing out impossible rules and
regulations. He was close, and involved, and wonderfully practical. Why hadn't I
seen it before?
God's timing is a
sometimes a total mystery, but one thing I do know about it: just like God Himself, His
timing is perfect.
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