I
think it's worth doing a little follow-up story on that one. Keep in mind, I am not
just telling these stories because I like the sound of my own typewriter (keyboard these
days). If you read between the lines you will always see God at work, and when God is
doing stuff there are always valuable lessons to be learned.
God speaking that
day gave me the reassurance and confidence I needed to take what was, for me, a very
important step. I took a stand and said that I was having six weeks off from supervising
the children's visitation with their father. This coincided with a course of treatment he
was about to attempt and it seemed mutually beneficial timing.
During that time,
God drew my attention to what seems an insignificant observation. It turned out to
be remarkably significant.
In that inimitable
way He has, the Holy Spirit impressed on my consciousness that the number of days between
the day I first went to a different church, and consequently didn't do the usual
supervision bit with the children and their father, and our wedding anniversary, was 40
days. This was the 6 weeks I had decided to have a break.
In my usual
eagerness to pick up on any encouragement the Lord wanted to give me regarding my
husband's healing and the restoration of our marriage, which I thought were established
facts awaiting fulfilment, I assumed He was saying our wedding anniversary was going to be
special in some way. What the 40 days meant I didn't know.
Someone more
knowledgeable than me could probably tell you more, but I now know that the number 40 has
special significance in the Bible. It was the number of days Jesus spent fasting in the
wilderness, the number of years the Israelites wandered in the desert... there is some
reason for this, but I am not sure what it is. One day I will have the energy to
find out, but until then bear with my ignorance and just glean what you can from this, ok?
Well, I should
never think I know anything about what God is doing until He says it clearly - I know that
now! (I think.) It doesn't matter though, unless we go and do something stupid based
on our own lack of understanding. I bided my time and kept my ear to the ground, so
to speak.
God never ceases
to surprise me. At the end of the 40 days, instead of having a renewed sense of
commitment to what I thought was my duty to my husband, I had a newfound certainty that
going back to supervising visitation was completely wrong. This was a twist.
What was God doing? It wasn't the first time He had surprised me like this.
You might be thinking, "Why was she so sure it was God's doing?" It wasn't
wild surmise. Wisdom had been revealed. I could finally see, from the
perspective of separation, that what had been happening was destructive and dangerous. I
had learned these lessons before, but I needed to see it again and again until I finally
started to get it.
God had more work
to do with me yet, before He could show me something completely shocking.
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