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A Crude Awakening
|
"Black Gold!", "Texas Tea!"
A documentary surmising that we have already reached our peak production of
crude oil from the known deposits around the globe, and how fast we're about
to run out of it. Its up there with "An Inconvenient Truth" in terms
of facts, figures and the grim future that it all paints. But I don't
want you to watch it because I want it to change the way you live and come
across as a watch this or else kind've deal. No. Watch it to see
what we've done to some parts of the world just to pull this stuff out of
the ground, and the link to conflict ever since the stuff was discovered,
its awesome! 4 stars |
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After The Sunset
|
Pop quiz: After The Sunset is a) a
postcard from Jamaica? b) a carbon copy of The Thomas Crown Affair c) a
shameless tribute to Salma Hayek's tits d) a sign Woody Harrelson should
call it a day, or e) all of the above. There's a redskin in it for the sixth
caller through.
Its a no-brainer bit of fun to be sure, but prepare to be un-wowed in ways you've been un-wowed before. 3 stars
|
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Alexander
|
See the thing we’re never told
about ancient Greeks is they all spoke in the Queen’s English, all that is
except Alexander’s mother, she spoke with some dodgy half Spanish quarter
something else accent.
I won’t harp, this is movie is really, really bad, so here’s a good example of why insomniacs should be using movies like this instead of drugs to get to sleep. It’s the biggest battle of Alexander’s young leadership, he’s fighting against an army that outnumbers his by 5-1, all up there’s got to be 50,000 soldiers running around out there. And what do they do with the scene? Cover it with dust mostly, put in some sound effects that sound like fighting but we still can’t see it, and then the music over the top of it all makes The Sound of Music seem sinister. Just badly, badly done. I turned off around the 40 or 50-minute mark, absolutely no redeeming features to report at that point. 1 star |
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Alien vs Predator
|
SPOILER ALERT! I have major gripes with the film,
and yet there was something about seeing my two favourite film creatures
together in the one movie the was overly appealing. "Whoever wins, we
lose..." |
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Alien vs Predator: Requiem
|
AvPR, as its more conveniently
known, continues the theme that Predators have been mucking around with
Xenomorphs for much much longer than we've been thinking that there's a god.
Much longer! Anyway where last time we stumbled across an ancient
construction used for the sole purpose of having a shoot-'em-up stadium
where young Predators are trained, gladiator-style, in the art of combat
against Xenomorphs, here we're dealing with a present-day Xenomorph
infestation right in our own back yard...ok America. In short, a Predator floating laboratory orbiting the earth, fiddling with Xenomorphs, crash lands in Parkbench Idaho after the Xenomorphs break free and revolt. Said Xenomorphs now set out to kill every living think on planet earth, and boy do they know what they're doing. Meanwhile just before being totally Xenomorphed, one of the Predators sends a distress beacon back to their home planet, who then dispatches a rescue mission. Alien vs Predator hijinks ensue. I just knew this was going to be bad, because the last one was bad, but here's the thing: out of all the creature characters ever created in film history, other than vampires of course (which is what I'm gonna be when I grow up), there are none cooler than Aliens and Predators. And don't come back at me with "what about E.T." because if you do, I'll sneak into your house and hide something behind the fridge! Ergh! Anyway, so given I hold them in such high regard, how could I not watch this? Well, there's no way in this world. And thanks to Brian's DVD buying escapades in 'Nam, I'm now the proud owner of a copy, so I tucked in straight away of course. So, yes, its bad. But its only the human stuff that sucks, really. Once you get past the shaky attempts at introducing characters, establishing their credibility, and developing a couple of relationships, the AVP action is so good you don't care. I didn't anyway. Couple of pros and cons for you though. Firstly the Xenomorphs (Aliens, in case you hadn't guessed yet) are stunning, although we never get a full view of them for more than a few seconds at a time. They reminded me of the Aliens (part 2) version. They're as nasty and merciless as ever. The Predators are spot on also, looking exactly as they do in previous movies, helmets on and off. The Brothers Strause have also faithfully recreated the traditional music and sounds from both individual franchises which furthers their genuine article. Also, they've further explored the history of the Predator race, showing that they clean up after themselves to the point where any trace of them is erased. This bolsters the plot considerably. And along with this is the slight pang in the left ear that possibly, just possibly, the Predator is here to help us, and that's a resounding nope, who'd help us for deity's sake! All good stuff. And the best bit? Definitely that a Xenomorph incubates inside a Predator, am I giving too much away? Not really because they don't play on the idea enough, but maybe. Can you think of a more ultimate Alien than one that morphs with a Predator? yeah me neither, cooooool! On the down side...ok I've prefaced this already so it goes without saying from herein, the acting is bad, every human character with the minute exception of Aylesworth's character, is badly acted, badly scripted, bad bad bad! So as I was saying, on the down side, the movie is too dark. Way too dark. So dark you can't make out a lot of it. Perhaps it was my copy but I doubt it, it looks fine in every other aspect. I get the idea that you need to darken things around the Xenomorphs, I don't think they've ever seen daylight in any of their movies, they're either underground or in outer space. But here its too dark. And I'm sure there's a practicality behind it, considering they're using a mixture of CGI and puppets to create them. But still! Also, and I've touched on this already, they incubate in about five and a half nanoseconds. I remember once upon a time that a Xenomorph's incubation period would allow its host the benefit of a good night's sleep and then get at least half way through its morning coffee before becoming the beautiful butterfly that they are. Nope, these days they're in and out before you can say "shit they got into the maternity ward". This is also the first Xenomorph movie that hasn't involved eggs, so along with the quick incubations, in a way they've tried to rewrite Alien lore (again!), and that's a big strike against it. What, were they running short of time? You know with all that bad human crap that fills this movie up, that screen time could have been much better utilised by showing us some eerie eggs and some traditional incubations and kept the Xenomorph tradition going. Back onto the good for a sec, how cool are some of the Alien gotchyas...mmmkay very cool. While most are only implied to good effect, the rest are pretty rugged accounts of human death, awesome! In conclusion, this will probably only be enjoyed by hardcore fans of each of the franchises, otherwise, probably best avoided. Now what really would be cool, is if Aliens and Predators carried on their interspecies war on planet earth after the Transformers have failed to save the human race from extinction and have inherited it. GOLD! half a star - without Aliens and Predators 3 stars - with Aliens and Predators 5 stars - without humans |
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Along Came Polly
|
The Stiller-thon continues, the
umpteenth title to hit DVD shelves in the past year from our Ben. Great name
though, don't mind that name getting a bit of publicity. What?!? Its a good
name is all I'm saying...
I didn't rate this despite its all-star ensemble, it has those typical toilet humour moments that get a bit of a laugh, but otherwise, roll up a few other plots and put them together and you're bound to come out with this or something like it. I dunno, I get Something About Mary with the long lost high school chum, that stands out I guess, and there's that whole odd-couple things running through it. And in the face of adversity, our hero eats peanuts off the pavement. Blah blah blah. Jen's cute, Stiller's still Stiller, everyone else is mostly filler. Hoffman is getting his Orange County groove on a la Jack Black (his basketball hijinks are really very funny "Rain drops!") but it mostly fails. Hank Azaria's French nudist scuba instructor cameo is a pisser though; "Are you for scuba?..."Lueben, look me in my eyeball...". Saving graces are Alec Baldwin ("Good things!") and Bryan Brown's far-too-short role is also great. I mean who else would you have the yanks watch go through a base jumping accident and make a joke out of it. Tops. But that's where it ends pretty much. I dunno, you'll get through it. Probably. Comfortably boring. 3 stars |
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American Gangster
|
Hype, I'm always wary of hype, but
I can't go past Denzel Washington as a bad guy, and lets face it, he's
rarely out of uniform these days. He plays the real-life Frank Lucas,
one-time Manhattan drug lord whose rein over the 70s heroin market in
America was beyond anything the Mafia [Ed: ssshhhh <looks around>]
could have ever imagined. The movie tells the story from the passing
of his boss and subsequent inheritance of the business through the climax of
the police investigation some ten years later. The plot I'll leave at that, its the performances that really shine through and make this a really "wow" movie. I mean the statistics could tell the story all by themselves, but here the ensemble cast takes us through it all and while a few stats pop up here and there, its certainly not for effect. The film looks superb, and with Scott behind the camera it was always going to be that way, but yeah it captures that late 60s and 70s era New York in all its grimy, under-worldly, noir quality. Crowe's Crowe, you can't really blame him for that, and his thick New-York-cop accent occassionally gives way to the Aussie drawl now and then. But overall a good performance. The supporting actors are great, Josh Brolin shines as the corrupt narcotics cop, and the group put together to play Frank's family are also outstanding without being outlandish. Most importantly, at a running time of 157 minutes, I didn't once feel bored, restless, nor found myself peering at my watch. In fact quite the opposite, I wanted it to keep on going! Totally engaging. 4 and a half stars |
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Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy
|
Ron “You stay classy San Diego”
Burgundy is San Diego’s top rated news reader. He’s also extremely highly
rated by himself. But when Veronica Corningstone enters the fray as
co-headlining act on the 6 o’clock news, Ron’s ego goes into overdrive as he
tries in vein to protect his position – and the position of all men - at the
top of the ratings.
Mostly dross, this film suffers what I like to call “the Ferrell Factor”; when he’s on he’s on, but when he’s off, wow, can it really shift down several notches in just minutes. Obviously this is a satirical look at the news game back in the 70s, when men were men: “Don’t get me wrong, I love the ladies. I mean they rev my engines, but they don't belong in the newsroom!”, and as a premise this sure had potential. Obviously this movie isn’t meant to be taken seriously, but for satire to work, it has to take its subject seriously or there’s no point, right? Ok maybe that’s just me. Take Van Wilder as a good example of satire that works. It takes all the clichés of school life and then nods loving respect towards benchmarks of the genre like The Breakfast Club, Risky Business, Better Off Dead and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. So here we have the 70s and women finally breaking the glass ceiling and getting to sit on the pedestals with the misogynistics and they're all freaking out, and you’ve straight away got a barrelful of what's to come. Way to suck the life out of it with your disjointed drawl everyone. Enter the Ferrell factor, take these two quotes in the satirical context
and you can see how up and down this flick swings: See what I mean? Appelgate to her credit does the quirky thing well and doesn't need over-the-top to keep things going. The rest of the ensemble are also ok but our Ron is simply a twit, and not the endearing kind. Hhmm, perhaps I'm taking it too seriously... Anyway, for the few light moments it does afford us, there are far too many head scratchingly bad ones that make us all weep at the seven buck overnight fee receipt we just forked for it. Oh and of course the usual suspects all get their cameos including the Wilson brothers, Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn. Now where were we, ah yes forks, someone please hand me one. 1 and a half stars |
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Angels In America
|
This copped a fair amount of
hullabaloo and was nominated for an Emmy or two. I missed the TV screening -
I don't know who to thank for that - but wanted to find out what I'd missed.
Its a 300 minute DVD runtime, what the hell does that equate to in TV time.
Admittedly it was screened on the ABC, but still... The DVD starts out with Episode 1, Chapter 1 (or something) and straight away I'm looking at the box and wincing at the 300 minute running time. Still, we love Pacino, I am always keen to see what he has to offer...I got through to the end of Chapter 2 and managed to even get some housework done in that short-that-seemedreally-long amount of time. Whoa, this is someone's acid trip put to paper! From what I could glean from the story line it has something to do with AIDS and its onset; its 1985 and we're introduced fairly immediately to two main characters who have just been diagnosed with it, one who seems to be on a mission to get it, and no one really knows much about it. Its boring, people, really boring, and maybe you need to sit through an hour and a half of dross before things get good but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Also conspicuous is the tired dialogue and amateur editing. Mike Nichols has been directing movies since 1967, perhaps he's tired. Perhaps. Probably really good, solid, hung-over rainy day material, really rainy, like forty days and nights rainy and you're fifteen days in. Will probably take that long to finish it. Can't really rate what I haven't seen, so based on what I have... 1 star |
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The Aviator
|
This is a biopic of Howard Hughes,
and gives the impression of a driven, eccentric womaniser, albeit slightly
unhinged thanks largely to his mother (but that's my interpretation and is
never explained). Hughes was a millionaire heir whose penchant for making
movies and aeroplanes was surpassed only by the amount of money he spent on
each. I didn't even know about the man as I watched along, and am only
partially aware of the characters along side him. Names like Katherine
Hepburn and Ava Gardner pop up in more than just crosswords of course, but
yeah I was a little in the dark on most topics and that took away a little
bit for me.
But as all good biopics do, they teach you something, and if he invented single-wing planes and the Hercules, then of course I learned something. The film was rich with Hughes' contributions to aviation Talk about personal drive though, he drove himself mad with it in the end. If you know the man you'll enjoy the movie, but the film left me feeling like it hadn't done enough exploration. The Aviator touches on topics that hint to more of a story and then leave them there. The story felt insulated to his movie and aviation interests. Here's some stuff the movie doesn't tell you:
So there you go, things that perhaps should've (could've?) been included in the story of an amazing life. I don't think its the essential viewing the critics would lead us to believe but good viewing nonetheless. 3 and a half stars |
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Bad Santa
|
What a horribly contrived
miss-take on the scrooge genre; you know, mean old person for as long as
anyone can remember – even to their own mother – eventually comes around to
being nice after meeting some forlorn character. In this flick, Billy Bob’s
Santa is rude, obnoxious, uncaring and unflinchingly sadistic. He doesn’t
even give a shit about himself. But where Groundhog Day took the hero, who
took advantage of the smart and dumb alike, and turned him into St Peter;
this anti-hero does exactly the opposite, by taking advantage of the most
severely disadvantaged people and then stepping all over them to boot.
Its an obvious push to take the genre to its outer limits, to where it has never gone before. Unfortunately the intrepid explorers aboard the Bad Santa Enterprise didn’t realise that once you go there, you can’t come back, and there won’t be an audience member who will want them to come back. And don’t expect a beacon any time soon. About three quarters of the way through it looks as though Santa is going to die, and we pray for that death. We say out loud to the screen “please Santa, die! In fact if you die now, I’ll be good all the way through until xmas. Honest!” Alas, the film goes on. The characters are trying very hard to push that envelope I mentioned before; Willie the Santa is a drunk and a pervert, Marcus is a dwarf master thief with a mouth filthier than Andrew Dice Clay on a bad day. But the curious pick for me is Lauren “Gilmore Girls” Graham, who in a bid to shed a bit of that dialogue-plagued single new age Mother, has chosen to become a bar girl with fetish for anal sex with old men dressed up like Santa, “something to do with my father I think”. Hhmm… And just when you think I couldn’t pan this any worse, Billy Bob has to act like foul mouthed, boozed up Bad Santa in front of children. No clever cutaways so that the kiddie actors are spared the onslaught. Oh no, this one’s bad alright. Half a star, for an uncomfortable (single) laugh-out-loud moment when he hijacks a house and can barely believe the scenario. |
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Be Cool
|
The laziest film since The Big
Bounce and Ocean’s Twelve. The clichés are everywhere and the cool just
isn’t working. Travolta is reprising a role that I didn’t see; Chili Palmer
or something from the movie Get Shorty. I’m very glad I didn’t see Get
Shorty, if its as stupid as this, well hey, I just saved myself a couple of
hours of torture.
Its just plane lazy, these actors are swanning around doing nothing other than run into each other striking up random conversations. There’s a plot that goes something like “Man decides to go into the music business from the movie business, future partner is gunned down by mob, Man assists dead man’s wife keep business afloat by making cool gestures at everyone and speaking calmly.” Tops. Vince Vaughn pretends to be a black rapper gangster character, BADLY! I mean he is satirical in delivery but his presence could’ve done something that Vince is good at. Uma slinks around as if she’s Marsellus Wallace’s wife again, and John obviously HAS to have a dance with her. Ugh, bollocks, someone shoot me! And The Rock flexing his comedic muscles, forget about it, I’d be prepared to bet money that his “funny” moment in the flick, with the eyebrow, was something they thought up in the dressing room while getting makeup on for the shoot. I feel very ripped off! 2 stars |
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Below
|
One of those movies you see on the
shelf, think "nah, I really don't need another "Sphere", and move on. Out of
Blockbuster-desperation on Friday night, I finally picked this one up. And
from the opening scene I was nicely surprised, though not overwhelmed. Set in WWII, this film sees a US submarine on a routine rescue mission. It picks up survivors of a hospital ship wreckage, only three. No sooner are they on board, strange things are afoot, and it seem like something other than the crew are controlling their new destination. Unfortunately they've tried to do a hell of a lot with a fairly cut and dried plot. The scenes are constantly discombobulated with overtures and undercurrents that don't actually tell us anything, and at the very least, confuse things more. There are what I like to call mini-journeyings that kick off during the film - scenes like the crew members that must free dive outside the hull to fix an oil leak - that are great, but the what ensues gets tied up in knots to the point that what you thought was happening for <insert reason> comes across as something completely different. Its almost like they're trying to tell the same story a different way during almost every scene. Too much rehashing of old information, its needless. The acting's nothing special though never bad. Nice to see two of the boys from Lock Stock back together on the screen again. But having said that, its a top film to watch, I'm seeing loads of Ghost Ship isms all over the shop, especially with a lot of the editing. Nice little cut scenes and slow-to-fast motion zooms. The sound is great too. And they've done it in that noir blue, similar to the way Payback came across. Yeah, its a nice film to watch so that keeps it on track more than anything I think. Another positive is the urgency that is puts across. Not so much in plot as in getting there. Again, this is kudos to the editing. So a nice one to watch, if you enjoyed Ghost Ship you'll dig this on a lesser level. 3 stars |
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The Big Bounce
|
This should be added to the Film
Making 101 curriculum as "how not to make a movie". I got the distinct
impression that these people just happened to all be on holidays in Hawaii
at the same time and one of them brought a camera along, so they filmed what
they were doing. And when it reached 90 ish minutes, it went off to
the editors so someone could put together a preview out of it. Bad, bad movie. The fact its a pretty reasonable ensemble makes me even more suspicious of what was going on when they did it. No one puts any effort into it, there's no mood or atmosphere, and everything it does has been done a hundred times before, only a hundred times better. In a word, shithouse! Half a star |
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Birth
|
Ten years after the death of her
husband Sean, Anna (Kidman) is once again engaged to be married.
During one evening of celebration at her home, a boy knocks at the door
claiming to be the long dead Sean, reincarnated. While at first amused
and slightly disturbed by the revelation, Anna dismisses the boy, however he
continues to call and visit her apartment to the point where Anna is
convinced it is really him. But how could this be? And if not,
how could the young boy know so many intimate details about their life
together? The family reluctantly rallies behind Anna though no one,
least of all Anna, knows where this is going. Outstanding, gripping, relentlessly tripped out, I was caught hook, line and sinker watching this. I found myself mesmerised by the to-and-fro of the pace, the direction got me inside Anna's head and thinking with her, trying to work out what the hell is going on. Most enjoyable. Kidman is great, a step away from her usual meandering in front of the camera, and she looks great with short hair! The ensemble along side her is well cast, satisfying both the stereo type they were filling and then breaking their mould at the same time; beautifully played out. The look of the film is a fully complimentary as well. Very enjoyable, and while slow in points it will depend on how you take the situation on. I got me. 4 stars |
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The Bourne
Supremacy
|
Movie of the year so far - The
Bourne Supremacy. Let the record show that The Butterfly Effect was
reviewed in May, The Bourne Supremacy in August. Wow, where to start. Actually I don't want to over analyse this one, mostly because I can't, and partly because I really need to see it again in order to do so objectively. Somehow I don't see that being possible. The Bourne Identity left us with the happy, uplifting idea that Jason Bourne had successfully left the reservation, and his forgotten past, though haunting, was behind him. Bourne is still plagued with amnesia and incomprehensible memories from his past, and struggling to come to terms with life in the real world. When a CIA op goes wrong and an agent is killed, then an assassin comes calling for Bourne, he is drawn back into his machine-like life of seek and destroy in order to clear his name, and rid himself of the Agency once and for all. Wow, this is a lot darker than the first, there is very much a feel of being in the trenches and getting dirty. Nobody feels safe, everybody feels dangerous, and the twists? Lovely! Its got a very gritty, unclean realism to it, you really get throaty as it goes along. This has got some pace to it as well, I mean it roars along without mercy and is a real challenge to watch. Also, there's probably the best car chase I've ever seen put on the big screen and you ride every bump and scrape, it leaves you absolutely breathless, wow! If I have one complaint, its director Greengrass' camera movement. He uses that shaking motion to film sequences, sort've reminiscent to NYPD Blue with the camera constantly moving even when the characters are still, and it is a little distracting, but once you're with it its fine. Its a really intense, epic, story driven movie and if you got into the first like I did, you'll be hanging out for the third after seeing this. Damon has admitted, during his publicity trail of Australia, that he would be happy to sign up for the third instalment if everyone else is in agreement. Bring on The Bourne Ultimatum! 4 and three-quarter stars ... pending DVD release of course ;-) |
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Breakin' All The Rules
|
Jamie Foxx headlines this romantic
comedy about a guy who gets dumped at around the same time he was studying
the psychology of firing employees, joins the two to write a handbook about
how to break up with someone properly, and gets his self famous.
Its a well worn plot involving people falling for people that they shouldn't be falling for, even though they're meant for each other, and then everything going so bad that there couldn't possibly be a way of them getting back together, before everything just falls into place in the final stages and everyone lives happily ever after. Ho hum. Its tired, its predictable, its really very boring. Oh and the white-collar-boys-in-the-hood thing might be credible in the States but it comes across flat and very annoying. Sit through this if Question Time is breaking for lunch and there's no one eating at their desks. 2 stars |
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Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
|
Right, where to start. Ok
no, lets skip straight to the middle of the end. Who makes fun of
being busted in an airport for trafficking drugs, in THAILAND???
Whilst we shouldn't take anything as realism, are we really to believe that
our Bridget is bumbling through life - nay, prison - believing that a
boyfriend who folds the next day's boxer shorts is nothing short of tragic,
while her reality is facing the next 15-20 years in the Bangkok Hilton?
Shoot the woman and get it over with, and more for her sakes than ours. What they've done here is taken everything we loved about Bridget, the slightly socially incapable yet loving and caring and smarts, every little nuance and ism that endeared her to us, and turned her into film's number one STUPID character. There is one funny moment in this film, that's it, one. See, someone as stupid and naive as [the new] Bridget Jones being fed magic mushrooms actually makes for entertainment, and why? Because it makes them smarter. She might've been tripping out at the ocean but hey, it made more sense than anything else her character said. Further crap is found in the dialogue this time. Renee and Colin are outstanding, no doubt. Colin's portrayal of an uptight Tory who folds his underwear before going to bed is spot on - welcome to the world of stereotyping Colin, take a number and please wait here for the next oddball romantic comedy to come out of an English movie studio. Don't call us... And Renee has stepped straight back into her Bridget shoes without skipping a beat. Don't get me wrong, I rate Renee very highly, but yeah the dialogue is just rank, and most of it is spoken by Bridget in those little monologues she gives between scenes, you know, so we know what's going on in her head. Its too much with not enough being said, and perhaps that's her character to a tee but she didn't do it in the first so why now? The film is saved slightly - and I can't believe I'm going to say this - by Hugh Grant's Daniel Cleaver. He makes a really good womanising, self-loving tosser, this he should stick with. But hey, opinions and arseholes and all that. A really poor attempt to revive what should have been left alone, and lets not forget some horrendously poor taste in funny. 2 and a half stars |
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The Bucket List
|
The Bucket List is...well put it
this way, if there was such a thing as a bloke-flick, this would qualify.
When two men, both diagnosed with terminal cancer, find themselves sharing a
hospital room together, they bond, finding both support and friendship in
one another. This is when Nicholson's billionaire Edward Cole finds a scrap
of paper discarded by Freeman's Carter Chambers with a bucket list written
on it. Before they know it they're taking the company jet around the globe
ticking items off of the list, leaving the inevitable to be dealt with for
another day. Its heart warming, its heart wrenching, and as funny a movie can be with Nicholson and Freeman always finding something serious in just about everything. Nicholson makes the film though, Freeman's just doing his usual as well as providing the narration - by the way what is it with Morgan Freeman narrating every movie he stars in??? Is it a clause in his contract or something??? I dunno, he's very good at it but its becoming predictable and monotonous. Support is provided by Sean Hayes (Will & Grace), interesting to see him playing a role outside of his gay niche and I thought he did a good job as the underappreciated assistant. Other than that its bit parts that nobody really gets a chance to know, but thats by design. As I said, its a bloke-flick and definitely pulls on the male heart strings, which I think makes it a very smart movie. Talk about an untapped audience. Women will of course enjoy it but probably not in the same way men will. Recommended viewing for a lazy Sunday afternoon. 4 stars |
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The Butterfly Effect
|
Before I go on...movie of the year
so far! If something comes along to beat it out - and The Bourne Supremacy
is my pick to do it - then I'll be very surprised.
Not for a long time have I walked out of a movie with such enthusiasm for what I had just seen. My partners in crime at the time, Skaife and Stu, were equally enthusiastic about the material and the concepts and we chatted for a good hour at least on how things unfolded and how our version of events would pan out. What would we change, how would we end it, where could it have gone on. How many movies do that regardless of whether you like them or not? I won't go into the plot in case you haven't seen this yet, but its a tiny bit Final Destination and in some kooky way a tiny bit Back To The Future. The rest is something so fresh and out of the box and it drives you along at a pretty rugged pace that at the end I was left a bit wasted by it all. Having said that I didn't want it to end! Encore encore! Evan had a slightly troubled childhood, it seemed that whenever he was presented with a moment of stress or tension, he'd black out for a few minutes, only to come to without any recollection of what had just happened. Fast forward to his mid-twenties and he hasn't had a blackout for some six years. Circumstances lead him to read some of his old journals out loud and instantly he is transferred back to the period of his life he was reading about, and slowly he works out that he can change things. What effect will this have on his present however? Something he didn't anticipate. I doubted the ability of Kutcher to pull off the part of Evan as its a pretty intense character and role, and not something you'd cast him in straight out, but he kicks its ass. Melora Walters is also brilliant, in fact the entire support cast do an outstanding job from all versions of the characters. The directing is fantastic, in particular a great use of shading to compliment the new environment, you just have to see it to get into it. Also relieving is that a movie this different usually tries too hard to be that way. Final Destination succeeded beautifully, and similarly here, at no point does anything come across contrived. I can't say enough good things, in fact I'll stop short here by saying this is edging into my all time Top 5. Enjoy enjoy enjoy! 4.5 stars 04/08/2004 Update:Just watched the DVD release last night, whoa Nelly, much better the second time around. I didn't realise how much I had missed. And the ending has been changed to the originally intended ending. The theatrical release's ending was great but this thing just blew my mind. By the way it wasn't obvious to me straight away why this change was made, but by gum it is now. Kudos for putting it back in. 5 stars |
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Carpoolers
|
I never thought I'd say this, but,
I love watching TV series, provided 1) there are no ads, and 2) you can
watching one episode after another, without having to wait for "next week".
We've discovered many recently but this is by far the funniest, and at 175mb
per episode it was a cinch to download. Carpoolers follows four suburbanites on their daily pilgrimage to work in their carpool, from Wikipedia: Gracen, a mediator who is married and whose adult son, Marmaduke, usually spends his entire day at home in his underwear. He and Laird Holcomb are friends as well as neighbours. Laird Holcomb, a recently divorced dentist whose ex-wife has taken almost everything he owned (except his absercisor and otherwise empty house), sleeps with as many women as he can and enjoys recounting the trists with his fellow carpoolers. Aubrey, a man who looks after his rambunctious seven kids in addition to working, while his lazy wife, who is never seen but only depicted as a pair of feet, sits in her recliner. His signature catch phrase is "Gentlemen...lets carpool", usually uttered immediately prior to carpooling. Dougie is the newest member of the carpool, and he tries to gain acceptance into the group of men while frequently committing major carpooling faux pas. He's a newly wed who likes to tell the others about the joy of marriage and love. Marmaduke, the emotionally stunted, hyper-articulate, hulking adult son of the Brookers. I read that and immediately downloaded a couple of episodes to see what it was like, and bugger me if it isn't the funniest show I've watched in, well since Ned and Stacey ruled the sitcom pile over a decade ago. Marmaduke is by far the funniest, coolest, weirdest, most addictive characters I've ever had the pleasure to watch, 99% of the stuff that comes out of his mouth is eye wateringly funny. The show works at a pretty hectic pace, beginning with a typical scenario involving the four carpoolers singing to the radio, or talking about a situation in their lives, then moves into their work places and home lives, switching from one scenario to another. And some of the scenarios: Marmaduke's never ending business schemes including a home lawn mowing business using sheep, the constant stream of women coming out of Laird's house and the situations he gets himself into, Aubrey's obsession with his baby sitter, Dougie's saccharine laced wife who sends him on his way with his lunch and "a bit of me in every bite". And its every episode too, its unthinkable the ABC have not ordered a second season, but hey its American and chances are they're not laughing as hard at it as we are. Its great, I highly recommend you get a hold of this any way you can, absolutely hilarious, I haven't laughed this hard in ages. Season 1 just finished two weeks ago in the States so a DVD release won't be far away I suppose, be nice to see some extras on there as well. 5 stars |
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The Cat In The Hat
|
Dr Seuss' The Cat In The Hat,
faithfully recreated on the big screen. Its a fantastic looking movie,
its got that whole Grinch feel about it with the plastic little town and the
bright plasticine colours. Looks fantastic! Everything has been
paid homage to in the right places. But, I was never a Seuss fan as a kid, I had the alphabet book and that was it I think. Not much of a reader as a kid though, I was riding bikes and kicking footies, not much time to read out of school. Remarkable I can read at all now actually, but anyway... Its funny I mentioned Grinch, because I thought Jim Carey would've been the better man for the job here. Myers is great but there's too much Austin Powers and Dr Evil coming through, particularly the lower registers. I keep expecting him to say "How does that feel baby". I'm quite sure they tried the adult undertones here as well but not nearly as seamlessly as Toy Story did. There are a couple of comments from characters that made Skaifey and I sit up and think "hang on, a kid's going to understand that, and then they'll ask questions". Fans of The Hat will probably dig this, medium sized children will find it boring, in fact they missed their target by a long way here in terms or audience, I really don't know whose going to like it. There's just something a bit off. Handle with care. 3 stars |
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Cellular
|
It’s a fairly run of the mill
action suspense movie that is surprisingly good value despite its b-grade
outer shell. Kim Basinger plays Jessica, a school teacher, who quite out of
the blue is snatched from the serenity of her opulence and taken to some
faraway attic where she is told nothing. After destroying the phone that
happens to be on the wall of the attic, our heroine decides to try re-wiring
it in order to make a call. Score! She lands the mobile of young Ryan who,
once convinced that her story is fair dinkum, must race against time to
help.
Forget that the kidnappers decided to lock their kidnappee in a room that has a phone in it, and then forget the fact that the kidnappee rewired it so it worked…you know what, check reality at the door altogether, then sit back and enjoy a good old fashioned bit of fun in La La Land. Remember the days when movies had unsuspecting ordinary people thrown into extraordinary circumstances, and come hell or high water they take on the responsibility of resolving the situation themselves with nothing but a license in macramé? Well this harks back to that in a good way. The one-liners are too corny but the over-the-top action and villainous villains all slot perfectly into the clichés they were designed for. No surprises (or Pulitzer), but there again, its aim was simply to please. 3 stars |
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Charlie Wilson's War
|
I was absolutely daunted at the
prospect of watching this movie, yeegads, Hanks and Roberts in the same
bloody flick. But I wanted to see it, I really did, everything I'd heard was
great and I love true stories...I took the leap of faith. And? Its good, its
really good. Forget the story, it tells itself and anything I say here will either be innaccurate or a spoiler of some sort. Its fast paced, its got great humour in spades; in fact its Seymour Hoffman that completely steals the show and thus owns most of the humour. From the first scene he arrives in, where he's berrating his boss (or is it the other way around? Who can tell in the CIA) you know you've arrived at the core of what this film will deliver. And when Hoffman's character meets Hanks' character thats when the fireworks start, and you can see Hanks taking the cues perfectly. Great stuff. The interaction between all the characters is excellent but Hanks and Hoffman take the cake. The other thing this film does well is make you believe that this is what happened. We all know that true stories by nature, once handled by Hollywood, get a little out of hand from the facts, but even if this is, you believe it. All down to cast and a very snappy script writer. Highly recommended if you're into socio-political dramas with a bit of a sting in the tail. 4 stars |
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Cheaper By The Dozen
|
I don't know if I'm just getting
older, or maybe just falling further in love, but I got all clucky over
this. I know I know, 12 kids, bugger that, but I got a really special vibe
out of this film. I was laughing here, groaning there, even had a tear in my
eye in some spots.
CBTD tells the story of Tom and Kate Baker, who have 12 kids. They live a happy and fulfilling life a small town, but when opportunity comes knocking for Mum (writer) and Dad (football coach), it means moving to the big city and starting out a whole new life, and while the kids support mum and dad, they're not entirely happy with the situation and decide to deal with it in different ways. Finally!!! A film aimed at adults with a wholesome objective and no pretences. I know its me - and maybe its you too? - but when things start going bad in a TV relationship, the first thing that comes into my head is "oh know, now someone's going to sleep around on that person and that kid'll get into drugs and then there's the death in the family..." and on and on and on. And it was so nice to sit back and get a good sense of what you see is what you get. Perhaps its unrealistic in this day and age to believe that a modern day couple and all their 12 children can be so unconditionally in love with and devoted to each other the way this movie depicts...aaaaand, cue movie! This is the best dose of fantasy this semi-clucky-wanna-be-married-31-year-old has received in quite some time. Go get yourself some! Just a side note, I avoided this movie for ages on the fact that Steve Martin was in it. I don't like him, never have, I can't remember enjoying a movie with him in it, until now. He's still the Steve Martin you're used to (and I loathe), but it really works here. Nice one. 4 stars |
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The Clearing
|
So boring, but I think I've found
a remedy for insomnia. Redford's grand-grand-grand-grand-grand children are
telling their children not to go see this. And Willem Dafoe should've known
better, he's sadly wasted here.
1 star |
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Closer
|
While this doesn’t tell much of a
story perse, the story it does tell is totally engrossing. Ever been in a
relationship where you wished you were more honest with each other, no
matter what the situation? Enter Closer, four people on one way tracks to
total confusion and their individual battles to deal with it.
So Alice and Dan have a chance meeting over her getting run over, he falls for her instantly despite her aloofness, and despite the fact he’s already in love – and stalking – Anna. Larry just happens to be trying out an online chat room when he inadvertently runs into Dan pretending to be a woman (named Anna), and is seduced into meeting up the next day. The meeting place? Well that’s the real Anna’s favourite hangout. Dan and Alice get together, Larry’s embarrassment turns into opportunity and he and Anna get together, and so they should all live happily ever after…nope. Keep watching this one. Brutal honesty takes this flick to refreshing new levels. Clive Owen is the standout for me though seeing Natalie Portman doing a private show in a strip club brings her in a close second; should make most people a little weak at the knees no matter what your persuasion. Two scenes really made it for me and Clive shines in both; of course I reveal nothing for your own good. And Jude’s performance as an emotional fuckup draws you into almost feeling sorry for him while managing to only be able to hate him. Julia is Julia, I’ll never be a fan, she stretches about as far as my legs across the couch. Nice cords. Still, it all works. Outstanding relationship drama. 4 stars |
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Club Dred
|
Major
warning - THIS FILM IS CRAP! Who agreed to this? Here's my appraisal of the movie - shithouse! So bad that if I were to contemplate eating live maggots out of Kaos' food bowl instead of sitting through this, the maggots would win hands down! Hindsight and all that. Welcome to catering, nay, pandering, to the lowest form of whatever this is to appeal to a demographic. Entertainment I think they might call it. I mean you're talking about semi illiterate 14 year olds using a 14-word vocabulary, who of course can't watch it [legally] because of the language and sexual content, yet Triple M have put their name to it as a "movie that rocks!" so they do. I used to like Triple M for their music, never had time for their social commentary, but if its like this then they should be taken off the air and sent to the desert to contemplate the alphabet growing on trees - because the fact they're doing it in our bigger centres is a waste of water! Why you would put your name - not to mention your affiliates' - to this is totally beyond me. -1 stars, unprecedented for good reason! |
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Cold Mountain
|
Everyone screamed "Nicole Kidman =
Academy Award!". I'm screaming bloody murder for wasting my money, and
more importantly my time. This is almost as boring as Taking Lives,
this is why Hollywood should be handled with care, this is why I'm here to
warn you! This has something to do with Civil War era America. He goes to war, she waits, she talks to herself, a few people get killed, he manages not to lose a photo, the preacher is lecherous, and an old lady loves her goats even when she kills them for dinner. This took us to around half way through the movie and then we mercifully turned it off. There was some kind've point being made in all of it, but yeah when the old lady with the goats started waxing philosophical a la Matrix, we'd had enough. And what is it with cinemating war these days anyway. I mean war was so not the point of this movie, yet they tried to be poignant about anonymous characters being killed in a war situation. We get it ok, war is terrible. Whoop-de-fucking-do! More interestingly, 'cinemating' is a word I just made up, I needed something that combined 'cinema' and 'animating', not bad hey. This movie has no direction, no moral, no side-plot, no main plot. In fact, this movie is pointless. Forks all round! 1 and a half stars, 1 of those for inspiring me to make up a new word to add to the Benglish dictionary, half for Kidman NOT winning the Academy Award. |
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Collateral
|
The first mistake was setting the
bar on this one. The second mistake was believing an overwhelming percentage
of the industry giving this big wraps. The third mistake was not turning
around and heading out when we got the good parking spot AND the hot
popcorn. DOH!
Collateral has to be the most amateurish looking film I've laid eyes on. The whole thing appears to have been filmed with handy-cams. Interesting comparison here; similar to the style of filming in porn movies. It looks like a porn movie, nay, a student film. Actually at times its like a documentary with that amateur footage that shakes and doesn't follow the action closely enough so it loses its focus and place. Horrible, horrible film to look at. Michael "Heat" Mann sat at the helm of this and you could see places where he tried to resurrect that Heat-style noir that works really well ON 35MM FILM, YOU IDIOT! There's no mood, there's very little ambiance at all in fact, and while they do showcase a couple of great tracks from Audioslave and the new "Four To The Floor" (by Starsailor, catchy as hell!), they don't seem to integrate them well. Mind you, there's not much to integrate with. Cruise is fine, actually all the actors are fine, but they're not working with much so it all falls flat. Actually Skaife summed it up perfectly, "flat". We're introduced to several characters during the movie who go nowhere in the story, and their departure leaves their roles meaningless, its very much in the now, yet there is no now. Are you reading me yet? What makes this worse is the real potential that a few scenes and a few scenarios had, the train station at the end was made for Heat style noir, but it just gets left behind like everything else and becomes nothing. Tough one to verbalise this, suffice it to say I was very disappointed. I'll leave it alone now. 2 stars, barely |
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Connie And Carla
|
Brilliant! This is not to be
compared with Prescilla, two very different vibes indeed. This was written
and performed by our Greek Lady in Waiting, Nia Vardalos, and what a talent
she's turned out to be. In fact Toni Collette is amazing as well.
Connie and Carla have been best friends since school, and with that have shared the same dream. To perform dinner theatre. Unfortunately, their chance comes at a price: they witness a mob hit and a forced to go underground. Finding sollace in L.A. from Chicago, they decide that their best chance of staying under the radar is to win a spot performing caberet...in drag. Yes folks, these crazy cats are women, dressed up as men, dressing up as women. I'm sure you'll join me in wishing them good luck with that. First off, Nia Vardalos is a true talent. Looking back on the Greek Wedding after watching this is a quantum leap, so untapped back then. On top of her ability to carry a movie - this really didn't need it - Nia wrote the screen play, and at the risk of making too much of Ms Greek, she's just stunning to boot. More than aptly supported by Stephen Spinella, Alec Mapa and Chris Logan, Tony and Nia perform their way through the entire film with 31 fully coreographed performances, and wow, can Tony Collette really sing? Yes she can, perhaps a new niche for Tony. Needless to say Nia has an amazing singing voice also, but enough about her. Its a pretty crazy, cutesy story with some wholesome characters and side plots. The relationship between Robert and his brother Jeff, who struggles to come to terms with the lifestyle Robert leads, is touching without being over the top. And Connie's coming to understanding the lifestyle herself while she falls for a guy is also something to be embraced. The film never takes a moment too far while maintaining a virile sense of fun. Finally, I can't leave without saying that Toni Collette makes a really REALLY convincing trannie. Seeing is believing. 4 stars |
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The Cooler
|
What an unusual place to find a
great film - I refer to the straight-to-video section of course. Things that
will blow you away include Macy's naked body <shiver>, Bello's naked body
(honest), and one of the meanest mean guys to hit the screen since Good
Fellas, wow! Bernie Lootz (Macy) is man down on his luck, so down on his luck he actually makes a living out of it. Bernie is a "cooler", a man hired by casinos to bring bad luck to everyone he is around. As soon as a punter is on a roll, Bernie gets the call and once he shows up, he turns the punter's luck on a coin. But Bernie's fallen in love, and his luck has changed for everyone else around him, that is except for his now disgruntled employer, who means to set things straight. Its a very frank and honest tale about two people falling in love and the hurdles that instantly puts in place for them. Macy is brilliant, this is his type of roll, he swings from Magnolia to A Civil Action in terms of his character, and its a tumultuous joy to watch. Bello pulls no punches in her raw and out-of-shape honesty, and Baldwin, wow, brace yourself for the way his character turns itself inside out. Brilliant. Other topics slide by including drugs and family, but it isn't distracting, and in fact compliments the film's insistence not to go off track. Great performances, great feel, equally gritty as it is pretty. Recommended viewing. 4 stars |
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The Corporation
|
A fascinating look at the way
corporations have been shaping society’s morality and ethics over the past
hundred years or so. If nothing else it’ll make you think it bit more about
your own habits in life and how The Corporation has influenced you.
A must see 4 stars |
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Crash
|
I’d love to spend days and days
talking about this flick; a tome on modern racism and how we as a species
have developed this far in our heads, its really just more the same going on
while people hide behind the written word ideals carried around in their
heads.
The film centres on four or five different lives and how their destinies collide at one point or another. This film is never out of your face either, and what I found interesting was the reaction from the cinema. See, movie goers these days are conditioned to see some racist banter on screen and believe that it has been placed there in jest as some kind of satire of days gone by. But here we are confronted with real situations and no jokes, yet our conditioned companions are all laughing anyway. To qualify, remember Pulp Fiction? Someone’s head gets blown off in the back seat of the car accidentally and everyone laughed, because it was funny. Someone’s head getting blown off, and its funny…anyway, so these people around us are obviously conditioned to see the proverbial head getting blown off on the screen and automatically laughing at it. But man, they missed the point completely! Sad. Anyway I’ll stop here. I was really affected, Stacey was affected, I don’t think we said two words to each other until we’d gotten half way home. And even then I think it was “Wow” and “Gee”. Great film, go see it. 4 and a half stars |
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The Day After Tomorrow
|
The Day After Tomorrow is big,
BLOODY big. In short, it tells the story of global warming at its
apex, and the onset of a new ice age. Its a kind've sneak peak into
our inevitable future where we fuck over the planet to the point of no
return and end up half a click under pack ice as a result. Tops, bring
it on. Its a mixture of fact, fiction, hypothesis and political rhetoric and ignoring some fairly bad acting and plot turns, we get a really good show out of it. Particular kudos goes to Emmerich who shows some gigantic and grandiose scenes, the scale of which seems to only be matched by, er, well him actually. He adds this to an already large resume including Godzilla and Independence Day. He's had some practice then. The crap bits are far outweighed by the good and hence aren't really worth mentioning, although I will touch on one decision that our hero makes without blinking an eye. Just after NYC gets smashed by the biggest tidal wave in the history of everness - at least since the last ice age anyway - Jack Hall (Quaid) tells his son to "stay put, I'm coming to get you". Now NYC (son's location) is some 200 miles from Washington DC (Hall's location), and the only way to get there is by walking, through the new ice age...after I stopped laughing my ass off, I got back to the business of enjoying the movie. The beauty of this flick is that although you think you have to stretch the imagination a little to go along with what's happening, its actually very believable that it could happen and you really get swept along with it. I defy anyone to not cringe a little when the "mega ice blast thingy" descends over the city and the dudes are trying to get back inside. Holy smokes that was cool! Also of interest are the political undertones that run throughout the whole movie. The ignorant government while initially uninterested are exposed as totally fallible by movie's end. Also hilarious is the little Mexican border message, that's total class! Extremely entertaining with few complaints that amount to little more than a whimper really. 3 and a half stars. |
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Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
|
Priceless! This is one of the
better examples of Stiller's not taking life too seriously. Love his work.
When the Average Joe's gym is called upon to come up with the balance of its
mortgage, and the across-road franchise Globo Gym ("We're better than you,
and we know it!") seize the opportunity to buy them out, there's only one
thing for it. Enter and win a Dodgeball tournament. Because, why wouldn't
you! Vaughn's mild refrain is in top form, Taylor as the straight-laced maiden of misunderstanding (a la Zoolander) is flawless, and Stiller's out and out 80s homo-erotic flavoured Globogym owner White Goodman is an absolute pearler. Where Zoolander takes the world of super models down a peg, this puts professional sports and social politics down a few pegs further. Think Zoolander, then blend it with Baseketball - superlative satire bar none. The Dodgeball scenes are great but its the wise cracks every five seconds that if you blink, you'll miss. Remember when Top Secret just made fun of everything? This one's a close second in that style. And while you have to be a fan of Stiller to really appreciate this, its very accessible to even the casual Stiller fan. Finally, a movie that is serious about not taking things too seriously and succeeding. 4 stars |
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Death At A Funeral
|
Death At A Funeral takes
the ceremony of funerals and pokes a bit of harmless fun at them. It
has that Four Weddings / Notting Hill pompous English humour vibe,
minus Hugh thank deity; actually because it is missing all the usual
suspects it gives a fresh take on the English rom-com. A dysfunctional English family is putting its patriarch to rest, but chaos reigns in the form of brothers bickering, accidental drug taking and a dwarf making blackmail demands. Let the hilarity begin. As I said its in the classic mould of the English rom-com though this one's got a bit of edge that puts it above the rest; this movie goes where the other's either won't or just aren't brave enough to, and the results are great. The ensemble cast play their roles expertly creating and carrying their stereotypes with aplomb; the guy who accidentally takes acid is absolutely hillarious! And the best part about the film is it has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments, groan-out-loud moments, there's barely a moment in the film where the viewer is compelled to remain silent. Great stuff. 4 stars |
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Dogville
|
Ok if this film gets nominated for
Oscars then I will support it. This film is totally unique, especially
when you look at everything else being made these days. It combines
the elements of a play and a spoken book, and the the combination of that
and the simple story it tells is quite transfixing. This is one Nicole
should be proud to be a part of. Dogville is a small town on the east coast of America where nothing new happens and everyone knows everyone. But when a stranger passing through seeks sanctuary, the townsfolk are forced into accepting a little bit of change in their world, and are blinded by their own sense of self-righteousness to the point where the lines between good and bad begin to blur. I'm not sure if I should say too much more based on my reaction to the initial setup of the movie. I was blown away when I realised how this thing had been done. This may have been done before, of that I'm quite sure, but I've never seen it and I was just wrapped it the unique display put in front of me that I found myself straying from the story itself. It goes to show that a) you don't need glamorous settings and gigantic landscapes and wild special effects to tell a story, and b) how much better a book paints a picture. I think its a nice little reminder that we should all keep reading in order to completely satisfy our appetite for a bit of fantasy. 3 and a half stars |
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Duplex
|
The Stiller-thon continues. Wasn't
sure what this was all about since it crept onto the shelves under cover of
darkness. Result? Result!
Alex and Nancy find their dream home, and while inspecting the place are told it is a duplex. An occupied duplex no less, with a long term tenant paying the rent. They buy the apartment and plans are made. But oh how quickly plans change when the little old lady upstairs turns out to be a land-lord's worst nightmare. This is one of those dark comedies that make you laugh and cringe at the same time, it harked back to the mother of all dark comedies, The War Of The Roses. Coincidentally this is directed by Danny DeVito, no surprises there then. Stiller is on edge which is a nice change to most of his homogenised do-gooder characters, and Drew...well Drew looks absolutely stunning in this. I've never been a fan but WOW, she looks totally ravishing, to the point of distracting. Good job, this one comes recommended. 3 and a half stars |
