The Big Hit - stars Mark Walberg, Lou Diamond Phillips, Christina Applegate

This is classic John Woo...except it isn't John Woo. Don't you hate that. I've seen this a few times before, one of those straight-to-video movies that you look at suspiciously and avoid. Not me, when I'm desperate, I'll pick up anything. Ok except A Chorus Line, I have access to rusty pliers.

What we have here is a very Woo'ey film, out-there storyline, loads of guns, and of course some sensational choreography in the shootemup scenes. Melvin Smiley is a hitman, he works in a team of hitmen. He's nice and just wants people to like him. The team is employed by some (seemingly) legit organisation. How could life get better, what with his fiance, his girlfriend, his house in the burbs and his insane debt. Not to mention the stomach ulcer. But when one of his teammates decides to run an unauthorised kidnapping, the fan gets shit heavy and Melvin's stuck in the middle.

What this film does is take a few socially unnacceptable scenarios and pile them together to form a "normal life". Everything is so over the top that things like kidnappings and stabbings and the mental-case working at the video store are just standard fair. You'd need adrenaline pills to live in this world! So think Woo film, then cross it with Tarantino, that nutshell's this sucker pretty well I think.

Loads of dry/black humour, a few salutes to better known movies "You can't handle the truth!", not as much gun-play as I would've liked but still up there. And loads of quirky characters. One of the team has recently discovered masturbation - he's now addicted to porn and stays at home alot, lol. The opening scene also shows Melvin going solo against a bunch of bad guys while his backup is outside in the hallway discussing retirement and non-dairy creamer. I can't make too many comments about the acting although Lou Diamond Phillips' rap is barely tollerable, it was more of a no-brainer to act than it is to watch I'm sure. Simple but effective, and very good fun. 3 and a half stars.

Predator - stars Arnie, Apollo Creed

Arnie head's a rescue team into the jungles of Central America somewhere to retrieve hostages taken after a US hellicopter crashed on the other side of the border. When they find a platoon of Marines skinned alive and the hostages dead, there's something afoot. And when it turns out to have TWO big ass feet, stands 8 feet tall and has a <Dr Evil accent> "lazer" <End Dr Evil accent> on its shoulder, the only safe place to be is not in Central America.

I love this flick and its one of the hardest things I've ever had to find in rental stores. No word of a lie, its been 6 years of memberships at various outlets around the COUNTRY that has left me high and dry, most of them reporting it stolen. "Yeah nah sorry mate, that was flogged months ago". Well get it back you morons, I wanna watch it! Not only do I find the bloody thing in my local, I find it on DVD! Now I'm thinking of stealing it myself, lol.

So yeah, we have an alien warrior type dude who has powers of invisibility "...like the chameleon...man this is bullshit, is she sayin' a fuckin' lizard killed our men?" and also has this mini nuke "laser" thing at its disposal, not to mention the wrist spear thingamejigs. Its fully decked out. And it kills our heros one by one. If you haven't seen it, I won't spoil it for you, but its classic 80's excess throughout, I got flashbacks of Rambo toward the end, but that was purely coincidence I'm sure.

No extras on the DVD, boo hoo! They have put the original theatrical trailer on it though, and this provides some classic 80's isms. Lines like "But this time, its picked the wrong man to hunt." Yeah baby, bring it on! Now I have to go find the sequal which in my opinion is one of the better sequals out there - it makes very little if any references to the first, and this I'm sure you'll agree is both rare, and tops. 4 stars.

Young Guns - stars Emilio Estevez, Kiefer Sutherland, Lou Diamond Phillips, Charlie Sheen

Watching Tombstone the other week brought back memories of other westerns I really needed to revisit. Not sure I actually NEEDED to revisit this one, but I did anyway. It was this or "Unforgiven" and I wasn't in the mood for Clint last night. Suffice it to say I love a good western.

Now its been some time so the beginning of this made brain cells stretch harder then they have in recent years. I had no idea Charlie Sheen was even in this! Go brain! The opening scene also looks like the beginning of a TV show with all six heros fronting the camera in real-time. Then the movie sets off and its all horrible 80's generica (think Beverley Hills Cop theme with a country twang, ugh!).

So the story goes that John Tunstall runs a farm, takes in vagrants and runnaways, and in return for their work on his farm he feeds, clothes and educates them. He calls them boys. These are not boys, most have full grown beards, Kiefer looks as old as he does today, just with a mullet. After Tunstall is assassinated by a local competitor, the boys are deputised and form a posse to bring in the Murphy boys responsible for Tunstall's death. This is where William H Bonny aka Billy the Kid (Estevez) comes into his own. He's out for infamy and will stop at nothing to get it, and eventually the posse are themselves being hunted by the law, bounty hunters, the government, and even the army.

Classic scene after classic scene continue to play out in this flick. I remembered so well what it was that made us recite the lines and reenact the parts back in school when I first saw it. But I'm struggling between two worlds now: the parts of the film that make it so current, and the parts that leave it 15 years back. It was definately ahead of its time back then...perhaps it can be forgiven on that alone...?

Its a very lush production as you can imagine, but its the naivity of the characters that have me scratching my head. Kiefer especially, he plays Doc, and he swings between giggling pre-teen and middle aged man. There's no consistency and I found it very frustrating. Estevez on the other hand is brilliant as the young, brash (and slightly psycho) Billy. Still, the action more than makes up for it. The scene where a bounty hunter rocks up and just throws down in front of the six boys saying "Lets Dance" is so classic, and the part when they're "finding their way" whilst high on Paote (sp?) is one of the best of the lot "Did you guys see the size of that chicken?"

If you can put aside where the film falls down in the year 2003 you will enjoy it. 3 and a half stars.