Spending a lot of time awake during your days off work can do a few things

Spending a lot of time awake during your days off work can do a few things, one of which is send you mad. Here's another...

The Saltan Sea - stars Val Kilmer, Vincent D'Onofrio

Val likes the off-beat, he's made it his home. Forget Top Gun, The Saint, First Sight and all that mainstream schlock, he's out on the edge and wasting no space whatsoever. Seen Red Planet? Maybe The Island of Dr Moreau? Now you're in the mood.

Drugs are bad for you, and the first half an hour of this movie explores the lives of people who don't care. Are they having fun? Nobody knows, least of all them. Val plays Danny, a fellow tweaker who on the surface appears to just want the next 8-ball like the rest of them. But something's different about Danny, and where most movies of this ilk see people's lives unravel with the plot, not here. In fact there is very little to make you expect anything will change with any of these people. Danny has a purpose though, and piece by piece, the story comes together. A lost loved one drives him...really hard to blurb this without spoiling it. The actual blurb on the movie gives a little too much away.

I thoroughly enjoyed this, in fact if I had more time with the thing I would've watched it again. I'm sure I missed something. You are immediately immersed in a world of the tweaker, and where everyone is on planet somethingerather, our hero only is on the surface. A character with a purpose that the movie refrains from revealing, baby steps people, baby steps.

Think Pulp Fiction in style, then mix in a little oregano and Requiem For a Dream, sprinkle with black pepper and Reservoir Dogs and hit play and you're pretty much there. Its by no means original in content and it does make reference to the above in both style and characters, but in saying that it is no knockoff. Val's great, as he would be in something like this, and the supporting cast are great also. Cameo's from Anthony LaPaglia and R. Lee Ermey give the film more depth, and Meat Loaf is in there as well. Can you guess which one? I missed it. I did recognise Joshua Todd however, lead singer for Buckcherry - surprised the track "Lit Up" wasn't used in the soundtrack, too fitting.

Favourite quote:

Jimmy: They say he hasn't slept in like over a year.
Danny: Bullshit!
Jimmy: Naw, its true. I've never seen him sleep. Seriously.
Danny: Have you seen Queen Elizabeth sleep?
Jimmy: No, why, is she a tweaker?
Danny: [pause] Yes. That's my point.

4 stars.

The Art Of War - stars Wesley Snipes, Anne Archer, Michael Biehn

Wesley plays a covert operative for, of all things, the United Nations security squad. Interesting angle. He's above the law and was never there, to do that thing that never took place. Its like counter-counter-espionage-blackmail stuff, pretty tricky. Unfortunately he's framed for something and has to clear his name and where the only person you can trust is yourself, you'll definately be in every scene. Doh.

High tech gadgets in a low budget world make for cheap writers at half the price. A lacking story-line and some very thin acting - I almost fell asleep during Wesley and Michael's basket ball game 10 minutes in - makes this "thriller" fall flat on its face. Trying to do too much with too little is the moral of the story here. 2 stars.

Final Destination - stars Devon Sawa, Ali Larter

How hard has this been to find since the sequal came out??? Obviously everyone saw the sequal was going to be tops and where they'd missed the first one for whatever reason, they had to go and find out what it was all about. Meanwhile, we've seen the sequal on the day of its release and have been searching high and low for the original ever since. Man, no respect I tell you.

Alex has a powerful vision of a plane exploding, while he's sitting in it. He freaks out and is thrown off the plane, a few of his friends and a new-found enemy forced out with him. The plane does explode, people all of a sudden aren't sure whether to take things seriously, until Alex sees signs and alerts the others that although they've cheated death once, its come back to finish the job. Can you cheat death? Check it out and see!

Its brooding and edgy, great sounds and shades used throughout. Elaborate death scenes are matched by some surprisingly great acting from the little-known thespians before us. A notable co-starring role for Kerr "I'm the gay guy in Dawson's Creek" Smith might have gotten him out into movie land though from memory this fell pretty flat at the box office. Devon plays Alex and he's done this before, for those who aren't familiar with his work, go check out Idle Hands - a straight to video classic!

I rate this one of my favourite thriller/horrors and enjoy it every time I see it, 4 and a half stars.

Erin Brockovich - stars Julia <gulp> Roberts

Don't you dare tell anyone I said her name properly. This is a top flick, <mumble> <groan> and everyone's really good in it, <sulk> <shuffle> <kick> especially Julia, <sigh> <whimper>.

For anyone that hasn't seen it, Erin Brockovich is based on the true story of, er, Erin Brockovich, who overcame extreme odds in life and business to bring a law suit against one of the biggest mining companies in the States. Essential viewing. Now about this Julia thing, I'm over saying her full name now. She is good, and the reason is she doesn't play Julia, which she does in all her other movies. She's a bit like Tom Hanks, who'll be screaming "Wilson" in every flick he'll ever star in again. Same with Julia, those full lips quivering and the glassy I'm-just-about-to-cry eyes. Not here, here she's forced to play someone she's never been and will never be. I'll bet every interview she did after this flick came out was "Gee, I worked so hard on the set of Erin...", yeah no shit, you actually had to act.

Enough of Julia, what we see is the typical David versus Goliath struggle between small law firm representing the little people and the big company with many lawyers who don't give a rats. If you enjoyed A Civil Action and The Rainmaker then you'll love this, actually this probably comes in second or third in that list to The Rainmaker, love that flick. What I'd like to focus on though are the DVD extras, specifically the deleted scenes. There's an option to play them all at once and I tell ya it was half the movie again there were so many. Seriously though, we really could've seen some of these scenes in the final cut, I mean talk about assuming we know too much, and when you see the deleted scenes you'll probably realise, as I did, that you assumed the wrong thing. Ends justifying the means and all that shit aside of course. There's also a great interview with the real Erin B included in the extras as well which is great to see where Julia got all her on-screen nous from.

Brilliant all round, 4 stars.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding - stars Nia Vardalos, John Corbett

Welcome to the excrutiating world of the Portokalos family. Not that there is anything wrong with that, I'm just saying if it were my family I would be eloping. Actually there are some striking similarties between...moving on.

Toula is destined to be single forever and help her father run the family resturant. But she finds her feet, finds some space, and finds a man, Ian, gallantly played by Corbett. What ensues are wedding plans on steroids that neither partner has any control over. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll probably grimace alot, but at the end of the day you'll be satisfied you watched it. I've always said that if a movie moves you, no matter which direction, its done its job. On that level this thing is a 5. I honestly can't fault it, I can't say I enjoyed it either. I hated Meet The Parents for all the same reasons despite it being a pretty good flick also. Stace turns to me after it finishes and goes "aren't you glad that isn't my family". Amen peeps. 4 stars.

Signs - stars Mel Gibson, Joarquin Pheonix (contains spoilers)

On the surface I'm seeing crop circles and thinking to myself "Self, this movie is going to be about crop circles", but then it takes an unexpected turn for mine, and heads in a direction I'm not comfortable with. Put it this way, if and when aliens land and they're hanging around the ship having a durry, I'll be one of those dudes who goes up and shakes their hand and offers them a beer. I don't have the phobia that this film is really trying to dig at from its viewers, and to think that all aliens are going to be hostile, nah, not for me.

I also get the impression Mel got a hold of the script before it went to press as well, and got some isms of his own popped in there. The dying wife and the ongoing issue with her (accidental) killer, the inner turmoil his character has with his broken faith how it is affecting his relationships with his family and damn near everyone in town. He's almost as bad as Julia with those glassy eyes. So many sub-plots that discourage full immersion in the film. Ok, we get the message that aliens are in the building, so stop distracting us already.

Disappointing on a lot of levels, entertaining on others, and at the end of the day, not enough crop circles. 3 stars.

The Guru - stars Jimi Mistry, Heather Graham, Marisa Tomei

An Indian gent (dots not feathers), Ramu, realises the States is the place to be, following numerous letters from his cousin living the good life in New York. He seeks fame and fortune in television and movies by using his exceptional dance abilities. His cousin works in a resturant as a waiter, but when Ramu arrives he finds said cousin doesn't own a Mercedes and isn't living the high life he wrote about. Its a pretty ordinary existence in fact, which Ramu doesn't like and seeks his fame anyway...unknowingly using porn as his vehicle.

Its a pretty sanitised romantic comedy that is by no means original, but with the Indian cast and some intriguing musical segues, this gets away with it. Just. Heather's done this before in Boogie Knights, although she's a little more street smart in this with no "keeper" in the picture. Marisa plays a neurotic hypochondriac fairly well, but other than Heather, I found the cast a bit overbaring in their roles. Wasted potential? Perhaps. Nice cameo from the bloke that has that English talk show in the UK, Sanjiv whatshisname, I'm sure its him anyway.

Its great for some lighthearted entertainment, watch it on a rainy day with friends. 3 stars.

Close Encounters Of The Third Kind - stars Richard Dryfuss

Believe it or not - go on, give it the big Ripley - I've never seen this. Not once. Not ever. Not even in a semi slumber as a child in the back seat at the drive-in with my folks. Stace had seen it some years ago and after finding out I hadn't had the pleasure, went out and got it for me to watch.

Strange things are afoot at the circle K, a fleet of WWII fighters thought long lost in 1943 have appeared in a desert in Mexico. A ship appears in a desert in Mongolia, and the globe over is being treated to lights in the sky. One man (Dryfuss) in particular gets a jolt of newfound reality when his car, whilst stalled at a rail crossing, is shaken just about off its wheels by something passing overhead at slow speed. And with bright lights. From that night on his world is changed forever, and although this isn't solely his journey, it does focus fairly heavily on him.

Dilemma. Not for me, for the man in question - M. Night Shyamalan. He wrote the screenplay for Signs, and where back in 1977 we first heard aliens running around the roof of a house whilst the people inside freak and board themselves up a la the Spielberg-penned Close Encounters, the exact scenario is recreated in Signs to a different outcome. Blatent plagerism, it really is horrible. So my then-subdued opinion of Signs just got a kick in the teeth, Signs drops another point. Seriously, have you seen either? Do they not come to mind straight away? I know Steve's telling me that we're not alone here but I'm in need of proof. I mean did the editors of Signs seriously see that scene and go "yeah nah that's nothing like that other scene, we'll keep that". You're kidding.

Richard Dryfuss is inconceivably young in this, to the point that only the voice gave it away for me. Its a great albeit mostly unknown cast (to me) and they all carry it through. Its got that 70's magic that I don't think we'll ever see again. Where most people were on a chemical cloud nine, Steve really took a helicopter flight up there to check it out. Some wacky old special effects and sets really do make this flick. I'm not saying masterpiece, but there are so many isms that this film reminds me of in more recent works that make me say "well then, perhaps it all started here". In films that is.

Stace hired the collector's edition DVD with a second disc which is jammed full of stuff. There's a 104 minute making of documentary, the original featurette from 1977, 14 minutes of deleted scenes, you could spend all day checking out these two discs with a break for lunch. Top stuff, glad I've seen it now. 4 stars.

And so endith the page.