The Man Who Wasn't There - stars Billy Bob Thornton

One word, different. Can't say I didn't like this, can't say I did. Where on one hand I was totally drawn in to what was going on before my eyes, the other was making wanking gestures. I've been hanging out to see this ever since I saw the preview the first time. It just looked like something I'd like, not too dialoguey, not too over the top, just something that tells a story in a different way.

The storyline is actually quite cool, that's what intrigued me initially. You've got a barber, he minds his own business. See's an opportunity to extort some cash off the guy whose carrying on an affair with his wife, and then turn that into cash-flow by providing capital for an out of town entrepreneur. So straight away, under the mellow expressionless facade, this guy's got nouse, he's not the naive selfless lonely guy we expect. And initially he gets away with it all. And the beauty of this movie for me - other than the filming itself - is that everything you think is going to go wrong, doesn't, it turns out to be something completely different, all the while further exonerating himself from any guilt. And just when you thought that everything has gone on that possibly could, it twists again.

And then there's the aliens, don't even start me on that. Probably the best example of a sub-plot that should never have come to be. I get the impression they were looking to fill in some space, they turned to the nearest stoned person for ideas, who came out with these story boards. They just said "F#^% it, we're out of time just use it. Who is that guy anyway? Better call security."

Visually and sonically, this movie is quite stunning. Its filmed entirely in black and white, and never ventures far outside its small-town 50's setting. What I wouldn't give to be seeing it on a big flat screen, it would be awsome! Its also acted very well, Billy Bob also narrating. Something about his voice, I really dig it, and it suits perfectly here.

Its not that fast paced, and the tangents it tries to implement really don't do it any favours. You might want to cut your nails from the amount of head scratching you'll do - in both good and bad ways. I really enjoyed it, something completely lacking in Hollywoodisms without being indie, something a little left-wing without being too trendy. It hit a nice spot for me, three and a half stars.

Mean Machine - stars half the cast of Lock Stock

This is Barry Skolnick's directoral debut...and he should be knee-capped and sent back to getting coffee for someone who knows what they're doing. Forget the story, that could've been something, this thing is crap. The sound is completely thin, the characters completely over the top, and its about as visually captivating as watching Cops.

Danny, ex-England soccer captain and shamed match-fixer, gets sent to prison for...oh probably everything. I think it was meant to be drink driving while disqualified, but he insists its drunken assault later on in the film. He is sent to a maximum security prison where inmates get to roam around freely, play music, watch tele, just go meeting in different cell blocks, drink piss whenever. Yeah, real secure. Surprised the prison guards didn't let them pop down the local for milk and bread. Ok so before I lose it completely, the warden has pulled a few strings to get Danny into his prison, so he can train his team (of guards) and mould them into a division winning side. They want promotion. Eventually the concession is made that if the inmates put together a side and played against the guards, that would be training enough. They go along, somewhere along the line I fell asleep, and the tape rewound itself when it finished. Tops.

Talk about disappointing, they've billed this as Guy Ritchie in disguise since the previews were first issued. I caught a very early promo preview over a year ago now and was so impressed I watched it about four times in a row. Had all the usual suspects, and an off-beat storyline to go along with it. I mean we've seen armed robbers getting robbed, Irish Gypsy boxing, why not this right? Well, they put it in the hands of a 4 year old, who used it to clean his pet kitten, and then committed it to film.

Every prison cliche in the book has been brought out here, hard bastard prison guards, corrupt wardens (at least he wasn't brain damaged!), the head crim, the druggo, the talker, the quiet yet talented one, and although its meant to be taken in jest, its just stupid. The actual bit I wanted to see (since the rest had disappointed me so far) was the game of soccer at the end, and I'd fallen asleep by then.

Crap! One and a half stars for making the film about soccer.

I'm orf, enjoy your day folks.

BH