Ah, the topic of movies and the unimaginative masses that churn them out has once again raged in the heads of the critics this morning. Heegs, that was brilliant! But it seems as time goes on, its just getting worse and worse. Admittedly I gave it a bit of slack to begin with, the enslaught of war movies is probably the best example to use here. Saving Ryan's Privates, I don't think anyone can disagree that this was brilliant, both in its portrayal of realism, and its originality of vision - lets face it, WWII was done to death before we saw the dawn of the eighties. Even Tom "I need another academy award for the mantle piece" Hanks was great in it. Would I be going too far to be calling this the benchmark by which all war movies should be based? Probably. Its the best war movie ever made in my opinion, so I'll stick to that statement. And then it started...

"The Thin Red Line" I think was next to emerge, that again tried to be visionary, also focussing on a conflict that hasn't really been explored that much on the big screen in Korea. I didn't actually enjoy this, I've tried to watch it twice now and get two thirds in and just turn it off, booooring. I know I'm the only one there, so that's ok, smash me if you need to. Things improved with "Blackhawk Down", again for choosing a conflict probably not that well explored previously. Unfortunately you have a few unreal elements placed into "real" situations which let this film down for mine, I mean that squad leader dude just standing in the open barking orders and walking around while four billion bullets fly in and keep missing him. Yeah right! Don't even start me on Eric Banner's character either.

I won't go into all of them, but movies like "Three Kings", "Pearl Harbour", "Tigerland", "Windtalkers" (just saying these words makes me cringe), and even more recently "Hart's War" and Bruce's soon to be released "Man Of War" (the description I sent the other day), "We Were Soldiers", "U571", need I go on. Actually I have to just quickly, "Band Of Brothers" preaching itself as a public service - I mean lest we forget and shame on you if you do, but rest in peace, please! I can't find one decent movie in that whole list. I think Heegs put it best, we're dealing with genre saturation.

And if you think I can stop there, don't even think it, even though I will. Look at all the "horror" movies spawned when "Scream" hit the movies. And f%^&ing movies with ghosts in the house and lets lock people in them. AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Lets look at some upcoming releases to see if there is a saviour on the horizon, and not necessarily in the war section. Because if we've been watching the tele of late, we would all know that Harrison "I just turned a hundred last week" Ford is starring in a new submarine movie. Now disagree with me if you must, but if this thing isn't just taking the best parts of Red October, Crimson Tide, Das Boot and trying to come out with something a quarter original, then you can call me Kate and make me wear my hair in pigtails.

The Guru - aaahhhh Heather Graeme, yum. But seriously, an Indian dance teacher who's seeking fame and fortune heads to New York and ends up being a waiter. Can anyone say "Austin Powers" is "Coming To America"? PUN INTENDED.

The best of the bunch for me is going to be: The Ring - it harks back to the Candy Man, but as Heegs put it, we grow with technology, so this is acceptable. It looks reeeeaaaally scary.

Stealing Harvard - a story of two friends, one being the practical hard working, the other being a bad influence. Circumstance leads the good guy to turn to the bad guy for help, the bad guy suggests a brief stint in the crime industry, the good guy's life goes to the crappers. Anyone?

Tempted - rich man finds out he only has a short time to live, wants to will his fortune to his young and beautiful wife but isn't sure if she deserves it. He befriends some good looking young dude and offers him 40K to try and "tempt" his wife...er, anyone?

Yesil Isik (Green Light) - this almost seems promising, get this: "Green Light is a movie about a legendary love between Ali and Elif. After September the 11th crisis, Ali looses everything that belongs to him in the stock market, therefore he has a heart attack and passes away. But he does not get excepted as it was not the right time for him. He was now unable to go back to earth as his liver has been donated to someone else. Ali's angel Yakup tell shim that the only chance he has to go back to his body is to kill the person whom bears his lever. But its been never counted for that Ali would fall in love with that person. As the film is based on a legend, now it also starts to write a legend of its own. A legend of a love ,which is worth dying for..." *Note - this is transcribed exactly (minus the actors real names) from the Hoyts website. As you can see, it was written by a 4 year old, in fact I might just drop Hoyts a line and let them know there's a four year old running loose (correct use of the word) on their site. LOL. Oh and the September 11 thing, why oh why, rah!

Blood Work - this is based on the best-selling book of the same name by Michael Connelly. I've read some of his stuff, boooooring, I'm hoping this isn't one of the ones I have read, and I think it is, DOH! Anyhoo, ex-FBI super cop profiler dude is pulled back into the service to track a serial killer who leaves clues for super cop to follow to try and catch him/her. Ex-FBI dude has also just had a heart transplant, which is strangely linked to the case...c'mooooooon people, help me out here. You know what's worse, Clint Eastwood is the FBI dude, ugh, retire already, at least go make a sequal to the Horse Whisperer with Robby and the you can BOTH retire together. One thing that will get me to see this though, could this be the exception to the rule, where the movie is better than the book...?

Changing Lanes - ok I'm looking forward to this. Ben Affleck and Samuel L Jackson. Ben's the high proflie business man, Samual's down on his luck, they collide (literally) and much suspense and lawyer stuff ensues. I'm getting flashbacks of Falling Down crossed with The Negotiator here, I'm definately willing to give this a chance though. I love Samual as well - "Say WHAT again muthaf#$%er, I muthaf#$%in dare you!"

Lord Of The Rings - COOL!

Harry Potter and the somethingerather - COOL!

The Banger Sisters - two best friends who used to be rock-groupies reunite after 20 years. But something's changed. Where one of them is still doing the rock-groupie thing, the other one has gone and grown up and changed and...well...

The Adventures Of Pluto Nash - Eddie Murphy plays a nightclub owner on the moon (yes, our moon) in the year 2087. But he's refusing to sell up to the local mob boss, oh my, what will he do??? Its got Eddie in it, it might be ok...

Killing Me Softly - you'll love this, "Alice, a London research scientist ops out of her comfortable but ordinary relationship with a nice boyfriend when she forms a dangerously obsessive bond with a handsome, mysterious mountaineer, who turns out to have some secrets." You like that? LOL. And what is it with us nice guys, ladies? How come we always get ditched for serial killers and axe murders, and even worse, guys who don't wash. MAN!!!

Swept Away - remake of a 1975 Italian film. Two things, its directed by Guy Ritchie, and it stars Madonna, any other draw cards there?

Halloween Resurrection - Mike's baaaaaaack, oh craaaaaaaap! Actually I'm going to go see it for the memories, I love Halloween movies, yes, even the bad ones. Jamie Lee Curtis is making a cameo as well, wahoo!

Full Frontal - something about a chick who wants to be loved, but her hubby's after some other chick who's actually after another bloke anyway and...oh it stars Julia Crapberts, aaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhhhhh!

Ghost Ship - bunch of people find a thought-lost passenger liner in some remote part of some ocean and then probably get dead and stuff caus' its haunted and they never stick together and can you believe that she actually walked TOWARD the spooky noise???

Ok I'm just bored now. By the way, I just went down the list of coming releases listed on the Hoyts website, didn't go to any trouble to single anything out. Was there any need?

Two things since I started writing this, 1) I don't think we'll see anything original come out of Hollywood for a while, and 2) holy crap, that's the last time I look at the coming releases section again, there's nothing to look forward to now! Not even surprisingly bad movies!

I'm off to enjoy a ciggie, I know I will caus' it didn't come out of Hollywood.

BH