Wednesday, 25th April, 2001
I've just made a come-back to the keyboard and it has brought up some questions. What is the point of this site? How did it start? More to the point, where is it going? Reminds me of life a bit. Do you ever ask yourself questions like that? Pretty deep. I often used to find myself in a Chronic Fatigue induced stupor, too exhausted to move, when even my brain began to struggle for enough energy to keep vital functions going. One such vital function appeared to be 'meaning to life'. At times like that I would feel uneasy and my brain began to thrash around a bit looking for that essential piece of information around which all else revolves. At the time all I could do to voice my distress was say, "What's life all about?" My husband learned that it was just exhaustion speaking and stopped bothering to attempt a deep and meaningful answer. The next day the feeling would have gone, hopefully, and the question would seem irrelevant. Normal, healthy people don't ask that question. Or do they? I don't remember asking the question too often, myself, before I became ill. Some of us need a bit of a nudge from others before we get deep. We may read a book in which the main character is struggling with the issues of life, and say to ourselves..."Duh... I wonder what life is all about?" If the answer doesn't immediately present itself to our consciousness, we soon drift back into our daily routine, and forget such a question even exists. I mean... who cares? Life just is, isn't it? We make the most of our circumstances, enjoy ourselves as much as we can and that's about it, really. Any more thought and our brains hurt. I suppose if you have fallen hook, line and sinker for the old Darwinian, evolutionary 'we evolved from the primordial sludge' line of thinking, the above is quite consistent. Not good enough for me, though. For a start, the very act of thinking "What's life all about?" when I am extremely tired, and not usually questioning life's meaning when I am 'normal', strongly suggests to me that I have an inbuilt sense that life has a meaning. And if life has a meaning it follows that I would be wise to clarify my understanding of that meaning in order to ensure that I live up to my true potential and follow the path of wisdom. I wouldn't want to risk neglecting something important because I was too caught up with trivialities, would I? This gets tricky if you don't believe in God, I've got to tell you. No God, no answers, as far as I can see. When I first heard God speak to me, He said, "Why do you believe in evil spirits and not in Me?" (If you haven't yet experienced the reality of the spiritual realm, that question won't do for you what it did for me - in fact it probably won't do much for you at all... sorry) Believing in God from that split second onwards was a BIG help. Things started to make a lot more sense. I was truly surprised. Having a God was a totally new experience for me.
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