Episode seven - Rusty Potter and the Curse of the Mad Hatter. Scene 1: The sheds

Rusty: (walking in carrying a bag): Hey team. Love you all heaps - especially you Deano! Guess what I've got for you today, guys? Wizard hats!

Coach: (turning to film crew): Can you turn that bloody camera off.

Rusty: No, no coach. This will work, I promise.

Coach: You said that about the Superman capes, the witches cauldrons and the Darth Vader masks.

Rusty: Seriously this is big. I've just been to see the new Harry Potter movie and I reckon this is the special something we've been missing all season. Magic might even work better than the power of love!

Coach: You also said that about fire walking, bungee jumping and watching out-takes from A Beautiful Mind. Can we just train like everyone else?

Rusty: Well, coach, I think you should think seriously about having the players train in wizard hats. And I'm not saying that because I own the club and could have you coaching the Wagga Wagga under-10's before you can say "The Oscar for best actor goes to ...". The Coach rolls his eyes and puts a wizard hat on big Roy while Rusty yells abracadabra!.

Scene 2: Headquarters

Pete: All right, which genius in the marketing department came up with these glow in the dark jerseys?

Employee: Ummm, that was the consultant you paid $300K to advise us about the new team uniform

Pete: Yeah, well, yeah, I'm a really successful businessman. And this is not a game. Except it is. So heads are going to roll. But in a reaclly inclusive way beacuse this is a great club with a long, proud history. Which I now own.

Scene 3: Unhappy no voter

NV: 3 million dollars. That's nothing. They bought the club for 3 million dollars. That's nothing.

Narrator: So you could have raised that money at the games yourselves?

NV: At the games? Well, I guess we could have gone to few games. But we were a bit to busy. What with the garden and me being grand judge at the bottled preservatives section of the Royal Show. We can't be expected to be going to the games. But this is a club with a long proud history. And 3 million dollars thats nothing.

Scene 4: Team Training

Rusty: (addressing the team): No, no, no! None of you are casting your spells properly. It's google gapple grapple tackle. Then you wave your wand like this and the opposition forward falls to the ground. Then you lunge through the secret hidden gap in the defence and score!

Injured Captain: My wizard hat's too tight.

International Center: He broke my wand.

Coach: (to film crew): Can you turn that bloody camera off!

Scene 5: A radio studio with a former failed admistrator

Announcer: Of course, the problem with these people is that they're using their money to get involved in sport. They have have no real expertise. When I'm pushing failed tennis stars wheelchairs or hiding retired cricketers at my countryside retreat, I've got the background for the job. The team has a long proud history and these guys don't know anything. They haven't even appointed me yet!

Scene 6: Rebel faction meeting

Ex-member 1: It's been a complete disaster. They don't know what they are doing.

Ex-member 2: Except recruiting. They've got some good players.

EM 1: Yeah, your right, recruiting has improved. But nothing else.

EM 2: There's the sponsorship. We were flat broke before.

EM 1: I'll give them that. They've found a new way to fix the books.

EM 2: And don't forget they've improved the club rooms. They were a real mess. And the players are getting paid now and ....

Final Scene: Match Day sheds

Pete: (to the group) Just wanted to wish everyone good luck and let them know that this is a club with a long, proud tradition. Although that won't stop heads rolling. In a caring inclusive straight-to-business blokey sort of way.

Rusty: (wearing full Harry Potter kit waving a wand) Ka-zam! Take that you evil opposition! There's a lot of love in this room today!

Coach: (grabs the wand and waves it at Rusty who disappears in a puff of smoke. Then turns to the film crew.) You can turn the cameras back on now.