Catastrophic Hit Table

The following table is meant more in jest than anything else.
01-04 Your stunning technique dazzles all. You must now talk out of sync, using simple phrases and striking dramatic poses for the rest of the combat.
05-08 You beat the crap out of your opponent. All of it. He doesn't need to visit the toilet for a week.
09-12 Your opponent tries to ward off your attack and jams his thumb in 1 eye, gouging it out. The pain prevents him from doing anything for the next D8 rounds. All rolls are halved after this due to having his perception changed.
13-16 You hit your opponent so hard, he's going to be the only guy in Heaven with a wheelchair.
17-20 Your opponent is so overawed by your attack that he stops to reconsider his current activities. He comes to the conclusion that driving a truck full of explosives in Beirut would be safer, and runs away from you.
21-24 The speed at which your weapon travels through your opponents body is so great that the heat from the friction causes him to burst into flame.
25-28 Your blow is so powerful that your opponent explodes in a shower of intestines and bloody chunks doing D6 damage against everyone within 3 metres of him.
29-32 You shove your foot so far up your opponent's ass that his breath now smells like boot polish. And oh yeah, he dies from massive internal injuries.
33-36 You land a blow so powerful that it knocks your opponent into next week. You have to wait D6 +1 days for them to reappear.
37-40 Your blow was so powerful that if your opponent ever gives birth to or fathers children in the future, they are born bruised.
41-44 Your blow was so powerful that anyone attempting to raise him from the dead (via power or spell) has to do it twice.
45-47 Your blow is so swift and precise that your opponent does not notice his injury until he next sneezes, at which point his head falls off.
48-50 You strike a glancing blow on your opponent's nose causing him to sneeze so violently that his brain squirts out through his nose.
51-53 Your powerful strike drives your opponent into the ground, never to be seen again. No burial necessary.
54-56 Your blow knocks your opponent so hard that they fly into another rules system. For the rest of the combat they use a different combat system to yourself.
57-59 You neatly slice open your opponent's cranium, lobotomizing him cleanly. A passing neurosurgeon offers you a job at his hospital, where you could spend the rest of your career being paid big money to slice open helpless victims...uh... patients.
60-62 You hit your opponent so hard that his sphincter falls to the ground, with one end of his entrails still attached. As the stricken foe stoops to retrieve his guts, he becomes entangled in the coiling loops of his innards and strangles himself.
63-65 Your blow causes your opponent to suffer the typical extra death of falling down whatever is nearby. Stairs, a pit of spikes, off the top of the mountain, off the bridge into flaming molten lava, etc...
66-68 As you are about to dismember your opponent, a horde of chickens stampede over him and do it for you.
69-71 You strike a blow so hard, that even as you miss the resulting shockwave shatters the sound barrier. Everyone in a 10 metre radius must save vs. Stun or be deafened for D10 rounds from the resulting sonic boom.
72-74 Your blow sends your opponent's head flying. It circles the globe and strikes the enemy that was about to backstab you, cracking his skull open and killing him.
75-77 You kill your opponent in a sacrificial manner. If a weapon was used it becomes possessed by a demon. Yikes!
78-80 Ouch! The results of your death blow cannot be described by conventional physics. You have invented a new system of mathematics and win a nobel prize!
81-83 Your opponent ducks under your blow to pick up change and you cut his belt, making his pants or whatever fall embarrassingly to the floor and exposing his Bugs Bunny theme underwear. He dies from shame.
84-86 You remove your opponent's appendix. You may very well have saved his life. Consider yourself a hero.
87-89 Your attack goes completely through your target (triple damage) and deals normal damage to the person standing immediately behind them.
90-92 Your opponent wrenches his back while diving to avoid your mighty blow, causing him to snap his spine and leaving him a paraplegic.
93-95 You create a goblet out of your opponent's skull and drink mead from it. Unfortunately this is fatal to your victim.
96-97 Your blow snags on your opponent's holy symbol and tears it off. The powers that be choose that second to check on your opponent, and decide to punish him for being unfaithful. The resultant lightning bolt vaporizes him.
98-99 You hit your opponent so hard that he compresses into a black hole, sucking in anyone within a metre of him before collapsing into himself.
00 As well as killing your opponent your blow tears a rip into the fabric of space time. The four horsemen of the Apocalypse ride out of the rift and start killing people.

 

 

Critical Tables Arm Leg
Chest Head Groin