Paper presented at
Psychology Conference 1991
" New Horizons in Research"
The University of Western Australia
June 20, 1991

Prevention of Child Sex Abuse
by Mercurio Cicchini
Clinical Psychologist

The cycle of abuse

Why does child sexual abuse, particularly incest, "run" in families? Why are many adult abusers former childhood victims? What could account for this devastating cycle of history repeating itself? If we can find answers to these questions, and the reasons behind abuse then we will have a chance, as a community, to break the cycle.

My aim is to share with you the factors involved in the perpetuation of child sexual abuse, based on my experience in the assessment and treatment of male offenders.

(a) The offender

Offenders who engage in inappropriate sexual contact with children, be it intrafamilial, or extrafamilial, have certain common features in their psychological make-up and developmental histories. Like other offenders who impinge upon the well-being of others, the child molester has strong features of self-centredness. Self-centredness reflects a neediness - a preoccupation with one's own feelings of well-being. In the sex offender, the neediness is in the area of affection and nurturance - in the need for love.

The histories of abusers are marked by experience of emotional neglect, rejection, and affectional deprivation. An unfulfilled desire to be cuddled or caressed by the parent is often reported. Strong needs for nurturance are.manifested in their responses to personality testing. All developing children have needs for attention, affection and recognition, and if the child-rearing environment does not fulfil these needs, the frustration arrests, or hampers, emotional growth.

One consequence of the "arrest" in emotional development is that the individual remains in a perpetual state of increased "hunger" for the missed affection. The person copes by trying to obtain for the rest of his life that which was missed earlier. This pursuit rarely succeeds because the problem is an emotional one that requires a psychological solution, not a practical one.

In adulthood, an affectionally deprived person tends to operate, at an emotional level, "as if" he were still a needy child, requiring input from others to foster and maintain his well-being. This occurs notwithstanding his good adjustment in other areas of living, such as work. He is likely to have high tactile needs, and may seek comfort through frequent sexual contact with, or reassurance from, a partner.

This self-preoccupation and dependence is invariably accompanied by a lack of sensitivity towards the needs of others, particularly when there is a conflict between his needs and that of someone else. This is another aspect of his self-centredness.

The general orientation of the affectionally hungry man is to see others, including children, as potential sources for meeting his own needs for affection and intimacy - especially when he feels deprived, frustrated, or low in mood.

What is more, in adulthood a state of emotional neediness is accompanied by a dependent's child's view of the world. Other adults, including spouses or potential spouses, are viewed as in control of the dispensation of affection. Rejection or frustration is anticipated, these fears being based on their childhood experiences. Thus he may not communicate his needs to those who may be prepared to meet them. And, even if responded to, what he gets does not suffice - he is insatiable.

Rather than risk rejection, a needy man may at certain times gravitate towards children. Children are more receptive and less threatening than adults. A child is unlikely to reject your affection, and is likely to reciprocate. A child also can be manipulated, encouraged and controlled, without the fear inherent in adult relationships.

The communication of affectional needs within an adult relationship can also be impeded by an absence of insight or awareness of one's needs and feelings. There is no conscious processing of thoughts, for example, "I am feeling particularly needy for reassurance because my boss knocked back my request for a pay rise, and this made me feel worthless and unloved, just like when I was a kid". Limited insight is also a by-product of developmental arrest.

Another common factor in abusers is
The contamination of affection by sexuality.

Physical touch is a gratifying and necessary ingredient in promoting physical and emotional development in babies and children. Touch is a basic source of emotional and affectional nourishment which establish feelings of security and self-worth. The offender, however, has been deprived in that area, and remains excessively needy for this type of contact.

For people in general, and the affection-starved person more-so, sexual contact can be the most pleasurable of all forms of physical contacts. To the offender, sexual contact not only provides pleasure, it connotes affection, intimacy and being wanted. The effect is that a void, long present inside the person, temporarily achieves fulfilment. Sexual feelings become the perfect antidote for the offender's feelings of affectional starvation. Sex becomes a substitute for affection.

The use of sexual stimulation as a substitute for affection can begin in childhood for those who were victims of sexual abuse, or who engaged in sex as children. For them the experience and expression of affection and sexuality become intertwined and confused. In other cases of affectional deprivation where prior abuse has not occurred, adolescents can learn to use their emerging sexual feelings as pacifiers or distractors to their inner tensions. Deviations of various kinds can begin then.

(Incidentally, the sexualization of affection in adults is detectable through personality testing).

The sense of well-being which is achieved through sexual contact is not permanent. Nor does it make up for the affection missed in the past. The feeling of well-being soon evaporates, and the unmet yearning returns. When his partner is unavailable as a pacifier, he may seek another if bold enough, or a child.

Sexual victimization in childhood increases the risk of perpetuating the cycle of abuse in two ways - by bringing about confusion between affection and sexuality, and by contributing to developmental arrest, which I described earlier in connection with affectional deprivation.

Developmental arrest in an offender, then, may have arisen from affectional deprivation, and/or sexual victimization. There can be a third cause - what I call "accelerated role change" by the child.

By accelerated role change I mean that during childhood, the child is forced through circumstances, parental conditioning, or neglect, to abandon his role of dependent child who is the receiver of nurturing, and has to function in a quasi-parent role himself. He is required to grow up too fast, and become the nurturer of others when he himself is still in need of care. The child may be required to parent his parents, in fact, or his younger brothers and sisters, or himself. (I have found this type of experience in males who become sexual abusers, and in females who shop-lift in middle age).

To recap, the neediness of the offender associated with the arrest in his development can have multiple interconnected causes, related to unmet dependency needs, including abuse, deprivation, and conditions which bring about premature role change in the child. It is a fact that childhood dependence in humans, as a proportion of total lifespan, is longer than that of any other species in the animal kingdom. Failure for that dependence to be satisfied is the cornerstone of adult dysfunction.

The tragedy in the case of child sexual abuse, particularly incest, is that offenders place their victim in this very position of accelerated role change by dint of their own neediness and self-centredness whereby the child is used, and exploited, to nurture them. This is another key factor in the perpetuation of child sexual abuse.

Common precursors to offending.

A man who begins to sexually abuse a child will often do so when experiencing a life crisis which triggers or brings to the fore, his intense need for affection. In many cases of incest, the trigger is his increased involvement in a carer role in relation to his children, or his spouse. Or, there may be a reduction in the amount or quality of contact with the spouse, which re-arouses a sense of abandonment or deprivation. (Typical life events are illness in the spouse, her taking up employment, the birth of another child, or a deterioration in the relationship).

An emotionally mature individual can accommodate such changes, but not so the affectionally starved person. The assumption of the role of carer or the threat to his dependency needs re-awaken his own childhood frustration and affectional hunger. His motivation to find a solution for his feelings is aroused. At such times there is an increased likelihood of a child being perceived as, and put in the role of, giver and receiver of affection in relation to himself. He puts aside the proper roles of parent and child, in favour of using the opportunity to gratify his own needs. The child is used to nurture and comfort him. This is more likely if there exists a fusion of sex and affection during childhood.

Initially an offender may not make sexual contact or demands on the child, but escalation is common. Often in incest an older child is elevated to the role of spouse by the father - by way of domestic chores and companionship, and later with respect to sexuality. (Role reversal of this type is more likely in families where the wife, too, has strong unmet dependency needs: it is as if the child serves to fill a vacuum within the system).

Once sexual pleasure is achieved by the abuser, the probability of re-offending is high because of the reinforcing qualities of sexual feelings.

After an episode of sexual abuse the pleasurable feelings are often supplanted by guilt and self-loathing. But by then it's too late: the pleasurable experience derived from the inappropriate activity is stored in memory, and will re-emerge as a pacifier in times of need. Positive memories, feelings, and fantasies stemming from the experience will re-emerge in his mind, and be welcomed. Some re-live the fantasies whilst masturbating - when feeling lonely or in need of reassurance - and this increases the potency and durability of the fantasy and the risk of re-offending.

Sooner or later, a need emerges for another "fix", as in the case of a drug. user. When some event or stress re-awakens the affectional hunger, the offender tries to recapture the gratification or solace they experienced earlier through further abuse. The more this occurs, the more difficult he finds it to restrain himself in the future. He becomes stuck with using a destructive habit to maintain his well-being - it becomes an obsession and an addiction. At the same time, since the basic problem - affectional hunger - exists as a psychological condition in memory, and cannot be removed though practical solutions, such as having sex, it lingers in the offender's personality and recurs until resolved through psychological means, if resolved at all.

(b) The victims of sexual abuse

What of the victims? Are some at greater risk than others? The reality is that any child of any age can be victimised by a potential offender.

But neglect increases the child's risk. We have noted that some male victims became perpetrators themselves, despite and because of, their own victimization. A great number had become victims because their affectional neediness was sensed, and exploited, by the perpetrator. They tell us also that their own victims attracted their attention because they were children who gave manifestations of being emotionally neglected by their parents, and desperate for attention and contact - and consequently likely to welcome their attention and involvement. This means that children who are neglected can be at greater risk of abuse on three counts - firstly, their neediness attracts the abuser's attention; secondly, their affectional neediness can be exploited and manipulated by the offender to his own advantage; thirdly, there may be inadequate supervision.

If victimised, neglected children are at greater risk of perpetuating the cycle of abuse due to the contaminating effect on sexuality upon their affectional needs.

Conclusion

Some offenders claim their behaviours are expressions of love. From my work I have learnt that child sex offences are not crimes of love but actually crimes for love by individuals deprived of love and nurturance during their formative childhood years. Inappropriate sexuality in the child molester is addictive, and like other addictions, serves as a pacifier for emotional problems of childhood origins.

The best insurance we have to protect our future generations is to provide our children with the love and affection, and the attention they need, and the time they need to grow up and mature. In so doing we reduce the risk of their becoming both potential victims and perpetrators of this tragic cycle.

To date prevention strategies have been limited by their failure to address the fundamental causes of abuse, and the education of those at risk of offending. Too much responsibility has been placed on the potential victim, and not enough on the potential offender, and the parents of both.

There is much that we can do to increase community awareness of the causes of abuse, and also the awareness of those who are at risk of offending, so that the cycle can be broken. But for such strategies to take hold there needs to be a shift away from the punitive mentality which currently prevails, towards a more analytical, understanding one. We need to attack the emotional causes of abuse, which I have described. We need also to provide education which helps people to recognise if they are at risk of offending, and an atmosphere which encourages them to seek help, rather than to flee into denial through fear.

These tasks - of raising the community's consciousness, of directing resources into the emotional well-being of our children, and of helping with the practicalities of prevention are responsibilities which we all can share.

PREVENTION OF CHILD SEX ABUSE
Summary

Understanding the cycle of abuse

The Offender

Common features in offenders are -
(1) AN ARREST IN EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT due to AFFECTIONAL
DEPRIVATION in childhood, evident as
Self-centredness,
Preoccupation with meeting own affectional needs,
Child-like perception of others,
Poor insight into emotions/needs.

(2) CONTAMINATION OF AFFECTION BY SEXUALITY, being the result of -
Affectional deprivation AND Victimization during
childhood, or
Affectional deprivation AND sexual experimentation during childhood / adolescence.

(3) USE OF SEXUAL FEELINGS AS PACIFIERS/ ANTIDOTES for COPING with unmet affectional needs.

(4) ACCELERATED (PREMATURE) ROLE CHANGE during childhood Caused by
(i) inadequate parenting,
(ii) sexual victimization.
Contributes to developmental arrest via frustration of dependency needs, hence abuse cycle.

(5) OFFENDING PATTERN -
(a) Triggered by a life crisis which -
Increases demand to function in role of carer, or
Threatens dependency needs.
(b) Crisis "re-awakens" affectional hunger, activates ego-centricity, which in turn
(c) Increases motivation to meet own needs through dependence on child:
E.g., Father-daughter incest -
(i) Offender seeks role reversal in child.
(ii) Graduation: uses child as companion, homemaker,
affection source, then sexual object.

(6) SEXUAL ABUSE "PACIFIES", PROVIDES "SOLUTION" to unmet affectional needs. ADDICTIVE.

(7) USE OF FANTASY/ MASTURBATION after offence to cope with inner distress, increases probability of recurrence.

The victim

All children vulnerable, but NEGLECTED CHILDREN ARE MORE VULNERABLE

(i) Lack of supervision increases opportunity for abuse,
(ii) Neediness attracts abuser's attention,
(iii) Neediness can be exploited by abuser to his advantage.

Conclusions

Child sexual offences are not crimes of love, they are CRIMES FOR LOVE.
PREVENTION requires -
(i) Reduction in emotional neglect during childhood,
(ii) Education of community about factors that contribute to abuse,
(iii) Education of potential offenders,
(iv) Change in community attitudes - less punitive, more analytical, to facilitate help-seeking.

 

 

To arrange individual professional coaching or counselling contact Mercurio on 0414 730 866 or email mcpsych@tpg.com.au