Bed-Hunting and Other Great Tales of Horror

'Twas a grey and cloudy February's day, when Heather, Nefernereruaten-Tasherit, Pedro, Dorkus and Mum set out on a great journey to buy some new beds.

We were in the yellow furniture warehouse at Auburn, where we encountered the creepiest, sleazy old salesman... With a voice that sounded like gravel mixed with...well...poo..., he approached us, step by step, bringing with him the stench of sleazy-salesman slime. "Where is your mother?" he asked us, as we half expected him to pull out large lollipops and beat us to candied-kid pulp, and we ran through the labyrinth of bedding to find her.

"I knew... from the moment you walked in..." he said to Mum, pausing for a second, with a look of great suffering as if the weight of his haemorhoids were threatening to tear through his brown-streaked underpants (we hoped it'd kill him, but, alas, he was merely thinking of what he would say next), "...You look like a woman who knows what she wants!"

Indeed, she knew exactly what she wanted - to leave the store and never come back. We ran like the wind. Ran and ran and ran. All the way to the Golden Arches - McDonalds... Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.

There, Mum managed to spill 2 medium cups of water. Doing so, she flooded the "restaurant", and created the McSoggy Burger. She also wet Neferneferuaten-Tasherit's pants. And Pedro's pants. And so we hastily moved to another table, where she promptly spilt some more. Within minutes, she pushed her chair backwards from the table and announced "I'm going to buy a small cone". This came as quite a revelation to us - McDonalds selling pot. But now I understand the meaning behind the "Happy Meal".