<< paddling program.         Plywood Pirates 

           The National Academy of Paddling and Kayak-Building

                        

We are the doing ones. We can do almost everything, with nothing. However, we cannot do some things. Because we cannot do these some things, we will not refuse to do some things that we can do. What we can do, we will do. What we should do, we always do. What we may do, ...... is another matter. 

                    And, we always do that, with "ruthless pride"  .....   >>  freddo  <<  e-mail

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                                      If you stumbled onto this site and aren't confused,

                  then you don't really understand what is going on.

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     < click picture for our paddling program  [ you can also click the small face at the top left of this page ]   

          click >>>  Freya Hoffmeister,  paddling  around Australia.    Read her diary notes.

          click >>>    Electronic paddles for sale                                Digital readout & other features.

          click >>>   West Kunderang,  ... pictures                      Pictures and vital info.

        click >>>  The Plywood Pirates Poem,                         by Peter Biggs.

        click >>>  Ray's kayak  photos..                                  by Ray, who else.  ?

        click >>>  Gleniffer falls, Sunday 13th Jan, 2008         Pictures and vital info.

        click >>>  Freddo's Gorge pictures                               Pictures by Rusty Grooves.   

        click >>>  Ray's Gorge pictures                                    Pictures by the Bo'Sun.

       click >>>   R and R Boats                                              Pictures by Professor Plywood.

       click >>>  Plywood pirates theme song  by Terry Munsie.  ....to the tune,  "Puff the Magic Dragon".

                                              

            What we do,  would bring tears to a glass eye.

  Also, .... we intend to live forever.  ... so far, so good.

 ....... Click these links for our hidden treasure.

My Gt Grandmopther's 1882 Diary.   England to Australia, in the "Peterborough".  A  93 day sailing trip.       

Download  the  latest "Google Earth" program.    > > here < <     ........ v 4.3.7204.0836  [beta]

Pirates' Laws             ........ [  the 25 Commandments and  Pirate Etiquette ]                        

Skee Kayak Centre   [ for Tupperware Kayaks ]   and other "real-good-stuff".    

"Workshop-tools"        ....... perfect, for the home Randy-man.    .......[ sponsored by MITRE 11 ]

"Dark suckers"             ......  Find out what they are & understand how they work               

Lowrance  GPS,             ......" I FINDER GO "     [user-notes and shortcuts]

GPS points of interest    ......  Know exactly where you are,   ...... especially when you are lost.

Pirates tunes page,              ....Celt,   .... Irish,   ....Scot.

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 Is gravity getting you down ?  Kayak with the Plywood Pirates, and learn-to-swim.

 Remember, nothing happens until something moves.

 If you've got nothing,  keeping it clean 'n' tidy is very easy

Long ago we pirates had nothing, and now, most of us have still got it.

If you're not living on the edge like the pirates, you're taking up too much space.   

                                                                   ..ooOOoo..            

Our recent publications are .....  

Live by the Kayak, play by the Kayak.   ........ by  Kaye Yakker.

Never trust a Skinny Cook.            .......  by  Pam Cake.    

Never trust anyone who shaves their legs.  .....  by  Miss de'Meanour.

Kayaking outdoors.                     ....... by  Al Fresco. 

The Pirate's guide to fast-food.           ....  by  Col Esterol.      

Pirated copies are still available. ===============================================================================

    Get your qualifications with us.  Become a Kayakologist or Kayakaholic, or study  Pirateology,  full or part  time.

    We offer advanced tuition in Kayakology. Our Nursery Section  has beginner-vacancies & runs Second-aid courses.

    We also offer a safe and protected environment for care-less adults who enjoy kayaking & all outdoor mischief.      

      Increase your paddling speed with us.    ..... paddle from daylight to dark in two hours.     

      Some of our kayaks are such masterpieces that they never leave the lounge-room.     

     Learn to use your GPS unit with us,   ..........and get lost in the process.    ...... [bring some string  & a torch]

     Our un-qualified instructors are a tremendous asset to our dis-organisation.

      In just 25 seconds, they can tell you everything they know about Kayaks, Kayaking and not Kayaking.

    Visit our sheltered workshop. Open Mondays, Tuesdays & Fridays. .... Run by  Gerry Attrick

      There are no admission charges      ..... but,   ..... bring your own bullshit repellent.

      You will ....  [eventually], .... improve your survival-skills, your education-level and your basic-knowledge.

      Come and get a life for once in your life, ... [ get some 2nd-hand-skills too ]

      Learn from our mistakes, .........we do, ..........so, why shouldn't you. 

      Our rules are very simple and easy   ....  "We don't have any".

      There are no joining fees,  or visible charges.  [ Well,    ...... not just yet ]

      We don't have committees,  there are no elections or meetings. [ so there's  more time to enjoy what we do best ]

      We never argue with women when they are tired,  .... [ or when they are not tired. ]

      We always say "no",   ....... then we negotiate.

     We all do as we like, whenever we like, where ever we like, as long as we like, [as long as we like it].

     We always believe what we hear.     ............. We don't believe what we always see.

     We build plywood  kayaks and canoes. ..... [canoes are for the women & kids]

     Come and have a stroke with us.  .......  You will have an oar-some time.

     We paddle somewhere different every Saturday & Wednesday. and ...... [ do you like a  full moon, night-paddle, ? ]

     We often camp out,        .......  [ forced to sometimes ].

     You are most welcome,  ... to join us,  ... or hide from us,     but,    ....... don't annoy us.

      Don't ever criticize us, then we won't criticize you, ............although we reserve the right to.

      Huge penalties are un-enforceable, for disagreeing with any of us, on anything at all.

      Donations / penalties, are usually, 8 x 4  sheets of 3mm plywood, payable to head office.

      Our sacred sites;  Boambee, Bonville, Pine, Warrell, Moonee, Station, Red-Rock & Coffs creeks.

                                    The Bellinger, Wooli, & Sandon  rivers;  The Harbour,  Scotts Hd & the mighty Clarence-Gorge.

    For information on our do-ings, not-doings, and out-ings. >>>  vk2fm@tpg.com.au ...or phone  6653 1511..

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            Our great Crew, ... we have ex-spurts in every field.

                                         Click any picture for a grew-some image

           

   The ex-spurts.     ex-spurts in uniform.  Our old clubhouse.   Our new clubhouse.    Annette, Our cook

            

   Ray [vk2brg]          Robert [vk2ch]         Freddo  [vk2fm]        Pat [vk2bph]        Terry, conducting.

             

Clem, Eye surgeon.     Floppy, fishing.           Joyce, resting.         Peter D, counting.       Doug, sailing.

           

 Elaine, reflecting     Ken [vk2dgt] & Robyn    Ray's new Kayak        Ray & Jan             Bill, wondering.

            

Geoff, [ear-piercer]    Billy, supervising.     Peter the Dentist.     Bob, [timekeeper].  Bruno, Noah's apprentice

                  

Noel [good memory]   Stan [Razor-man]      Geoff [Cookie]       Mike  [fingers]           P.S. Duneasy.      

Newsflash...    Salt-water Crocodile in local creek...[Warrell Ck. Thursday, 9th November ].

The news and these photos have local authorities baffled as to how this crocodile has reached so far south.

The authorities are also critical of  the fellows playing around with it and inviting serious injuries to themselves.

                                               The only crocodile known to eat apples & bananas.

.... See newspaper article in the Coffs Coast Advocate, Saturday, 11th Nov,  [ Remembrance Day ]

                

    Ray on the bite.       freddo tempts fate.   Robert gets bitten.   Warrell ck crocodile   freddo & girlfriend

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Our Hyper - active Pirates are ;    [ some  have A.D.D.  ..... "too much bad rum in early childhood" ]

Ray 1    vk2brg, [Kayakologist, B.A (hons)  Bullshit Artist ],   Ph.D [post hole digger] in Kayakology, ......a  kayakaholic].

Robert  vk2ch,   [Chief Engineer ]  known around the globe & in the boat-building trade, as, "Professor Plywood".

Freddo vk2fm,   [O H & S]  oHook & Sword.  Has studied  the "female-brain"   [ gave up, ....didn't find anything  ]

Ken     vk2dgt,   [Quality control ]  ,,,  Control is o.k. ,,,  Quality walked the plank   ,,,,  In damage control.

Pat      vk2bph, Ex motor-cycle pillion passenger. aka,  "Pat on the Back". ... Paddling speed almost improving.

Doug    [Captain Craftsman]   Doing time in the clink,  ... got 12 months for stealing a calendar. [now polishing  H.M  Iron]

Clem    [Our eye surgeon]  Wears an eye-patch made of 3mm plywood. A keen listener, but, blind as a welder's dog.

Floppy  [Socks]  Favourite saying is "Well, I'll be darned". Recently fell into an upholstery machine. Is now fully recovered.

Peter D [our very own George Negus] once worked for 60 minutes, but no more than 60 minutes. Tutors Pirateology

Ray 2    [ Blister ] ... Appears when all the work is finished.   [Often snags his kayak's outrigger in bridge pylons].

Ray 3    [ The Judge ]  Always sitting on a case. Has new strip-deck Kayak &  GPS. [Moves about with great confidence]. 

Peter B  [ Our Dentist ]  Studied Dentistry out of a book. Pulls teeth, [ while you wait ]. Currently learning brain surgery.

Annette     [The cook] Where would we all be without the cook. Cooking up a new kayak.  .. Housework's on hold.

Bob Mac [ Time-keeper ]  ......  has had more time off  than a spare  bike-tyre.                           

Billy         [ Workshop supervisor ]   Very strong, .... but,  can't  get the skin off a rice custard.

Bruno      [ Master craftsman ]   Apprenticed to Noah in earlier times,   ...... [ before the big flood ]

Noel        [ An amazing memory ]  He tells us that he can remember when beer was threepence a loaf.

Geoff  Q.  [ Tipper ]  Tips over a lot.  Ear-piercer by trade. Pierces ears ... "while you wait"..Only a buck-an-ear. 

Terry        [ The conductor ]  Learning to paddle a kayak,  by standing up,  and,  waving his arms about.

Stan          [ Razor ]  Very sharp. Can shave a sleeping mouse,    ....... without waking it up.

Mike B.    [ Chips ]  Works mostly with computers.   Likes chipping. ...chipping away at a plywood kayak.

Geoff C.   [ Woodpecker ]  Works in the learning woodwork industry. Likes cutting, [cutting corners].

Mike        [ Fingers ]  Careless with his fingers & thumbs. Should never stray too far from a first-aid box.

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Associate - Social Members  [ some of these people are famous or school teachers  or  have written books ]

Hugh Jarce          [Ex copper]            ... a very tight-fit, in his kayak

Richard  Head.    [ Pot hole ]             ... always in the road, ........ but never in the water.

............................................................................................................................................................................

Skull Duggery        Anne Tique               Hec Tare               Olly Ander            Pam Cake                 S. Extant

Slip Perry              Amber Dextrous        Phil Thee               Paul Bearer           Marge Arrine            Tom Orrow

Reg Atta               Justin Time                 Don Key               Pam Phlett             May Hem                  Sam Posium

Clint Plywood        Ken Garoo                Barry Cade           Polly Styrene         Mike Robe                Vi  Brater

Buck Aneer           Annie Moreleft          Flo Tation              Buck Shee            Ruth Less                  Wal  Abby

Kaye Akker          C.  Weed                   Jack Aranda          Ann Glerr             Sally Mander             Will Power

Gerry Attrick         Gill O'Tine                  Lance Corporal     Eve Ning              D. Rifter                    Rusty Grooves

Gerry Mander        Jim Nasium                Luke Warm           Lee Ward           Sammy Skilled            Yerron Yerrone

Col Esterol             Cam Ping                   Al Fresco              Mike Rochip       Miss de'Meanour        Joe King

Annie Time             Reg Ardless               Sal Vage               Sam Aritan          Sara Bellum                 Miss Take

Memberships before the committee ;  Bo Andarrow,  Chris Cross,  Ivor Biggin,   Harry Along   and   Ray  Strack.

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       When it comes to mucking about, ...we're still recognized as the ex-spurts.   

Wood-be  pirates, invading this site, now total    

 The  tune is "Teviot Hills". ...........[press refresh to hear it again].

.........updated; 18th March, 2009.    [ e-mail contact =  freddo / vk2fm  ]  .... for the  "Plywood Pirates".