Clean Up on Line

With competition heating up between rival telephone companies it is rumoured that Telstra are about to offer self-cleansing telephones as a reward to loyal customers.

Until now if your telephone collected dust and grime you either had to clean it yourself or wait till Penelope Peachtree from Penrith Payphones came to do it for you.

Now, thanks to their revolutionary new system, Telstra will be able to send a signal down the line to render your telephone electrostatically repulsive to dust, thus cleansing it inside and out.

The signal would be sent regularly at seven o'clock every Monday morning.

And there's more!

For a fee, Telstra will send you an electrobox.

This foil-lined cardboard carton intensifies the signal while limiting its radius, so you can pop the telephone, the kids, the dog and the washing into the box and have them instantly cleaned as the signal blasts down the line.

Telstra's medical experts advise that the method is perfectly safe but if your children show any abnormal symptoms, such as tidying their rooms, you should consult a medical practitioner.