Much Ado About the Army

Since the report in this column on May 22 about possibly using the ADI site to train a female combat unit (see Women Warriors) there has been much controversy about the new role of women in warfare.

One group of intelligent women who have no wish to go to war have formed FUBAR (Females Urging Ban Against Recruitment) and will lobby politicians to retain the status quo.

Another coalition of both genders realises that while it might be politically correct to send women to the front in peacetime, it would be political suicide to let it actually happen during battle. Fighting under the acronym WOFTAM they claim it would be a "Waste of Females, Time And Money".

A clandestine group of army NCOs who plan to disrupt any battle training for women has been identified by feminist campaigners who dubbed them SNAFU. They're Sexist NCOs Against Female Units.

Army spokeswoman, Colonel McAdamia, said she wasn't nuts about it, but because of this opposition the new unit will be staffed and trained exclusively by women. It will be known as the Women Only Mobile Battalion (Assault Taskforce) or WOMBAT.

While recruitment for the special unit has not yet begun, women who want to be WOMBATs should apply at the nearest army recruiting office.

Lest someone get acronym burnout from reading the above a few explanations may be necessary:

ADI is the Australian Defence Industry site at St. Marys. If you'd like to know just a little more about it go to   About: Off the Air   or   The Good Oil   in the menu at left. It's a local development hot spot.

FUBAR more usually translates as Fouled Up Beyond All Recognition.

SNAFU is well known. It's Situation Normal, All Fouled Up.

WOFTAM is a Waste Of Flaming Time And Money.

But a WOMBAT is only a wombat. (If you're reading this outside Australia a wombat is a big furry animal. They have the survival instincts of a lemming and are a constant source of motor accidents when they blunder onto highways at night.)