Cross Eyed!

We've all met them – those fearsome individuals who fail to respond when you say something that incurs their disapproval. They just look at you.

It keeps you on edge, doesn't it. It certainly works that way with me.

I have a friend who has honed The Look to a fine art. It is frighteningly easy to raise his ire and be subject to a stare that says, "Some people were born cretins, some achieve cretinism, some have cretinism thrust upon them."

In my case he thinks it's all three.

In bygone days the problem could have been contained by staying out of reach, but thanks to the telephone The Look can attack you from anywhere in the world.

Of course, unless you have one of those new-fangled video cell phones you don't actually see The Look – you hear it. Rather, it beats on your eardrum as a contemptuous silence.

I remember times when the silence was followed by an unannounced click as he cradled his receiver, leaving my self-esteem in tatters.

And that's the reason I'll never own a view phone!