Foot in Mouth Disease

Once in a while we all blurt out something so embarrassing that we are left with the sound of our own voice ringing in our ears as the conversation around us fades away to a stunned silence.

Some of us make a habit of it and only take one foot out of our mouths long enough to put the other one in.

If you're like that, take heart!

You needn't blame yourself. In spite of what your friends may whisper behind your back you might not be tactless, and certainly not unintelligent.

You could be suffering from PMS—and this form of PMS affects people of both genders.

It's Pandora's Mouth Syndrome.

Dr Sigmund Flapjack of the Nepean Institute has isolated the culprit, a zig-zagging rogue gene that leapfrogs the generations.

If your parents suffered from PMS you are perfectly safe; you will not have received the gene. However if, for instance, your uncle was afflicted, the gene will not be passed directly to his offspring but will find its way to his nephews and nieces.

The solution proved to be simple.

Dr Flapjack has developed a non-soluble, non-digestible, reusable pill about the size of an aspirin.

When you feel an attack of PMS coming on you simply place the tablet between your teeth and clamp your jaws firmly shut until the conversation is on safer ground.