Remote Control

Twenty-odd years ago most of the world had never heard of microchips. Now they're everywhere – in our cars, our appliances, our wristwatches, our calculators . . . they're even in our pets.

It's a great idea micro chipping a puppy so that it can be identified at the pound and the trend has led to an interesting line of research by Dr Frank Enzyme of Mamre College.

Dr Enzyme wants to microchip kids.

Sure, if they get lost any checkout operator can hit them with a barcode scanner and locate their worried parents, but that's not all.

Imagine the family squabbles of the future. "Go to your room." "I don't wanna." Do you argue? No way! Just reach for a kiddie-compatible TV remote control, wave it toward the kids and press the arrow buttons to shunt them in the right direction.

And do they think they're going to yowl and howl and be let out? Maybe. But don't forget, you're now armed with a volume control.

Ah, children. Obedient one day, silent the next.