Naturally

In last month's Review there was a letter from a new dancer deploring the nature of square dance dress. I'm sure the writer wasn't intentionally trying to be offensive in comparing our ladies and their pretty dresses to "lampshades" and certainly, other people have occasionally expressed a similar opinion -- albeit less descriptively.

If only the writer had access to my emails the letter need never have been written.

In August I received a notice from Jan Johnson of Sussex-Shoalhaven Squares promoting the Spring Swing and there, dancing electronically on my computer screen, were the magic words Dress Optional.

Now they do some funny things on the South Coast and there are any number of "clothing optional" beaches down that way, but I never expected such an outrageous suggestion from a respectable square dance club. Daizy and I were shocked – but we sent our cheque in the next mail.

As it turned out we were headed for a disappointment. When we arrived au naturel  (you've gotta get into the spirit of the thing) it caused quite a stir. Not only was everybody fully dressed but Jan got a bit stroppy about it. We were asked to leave. The dance. And the motel. And the town.

We may be the first couple in history to be declared personae non grata  in Sussex Inlet.

Apparently "dress optional" meant that we didn't have to wear lampshades and bolo ties to the Sunday trail-out dance.

Still, Christmas time's-a-coming and we have to take our opportunities where we find them so Daizy and I have gone into business making lampshades. We now have a range of bedside lamps in frilly petticoats which would make wonderful gifts for your square dancing friends.

And even your decorations will benefit. We are marketing hand-made Christmas tree lights all done up in lamp shades of miniature petticoats.

Merry Christmas from Dozy and Daizy.