Dozy's Law

Murphy's Law is so well known it hardly needs stating: "If anything can possibly go wrong, it will." Less well-known is O'Toole's commentary: "Murphy was an optimist!"

If you ever attended a square dance barbeque you'll know that shredded cabbage combines tastily with grated carrot and mayonnaise. That's Cole's Law.

Then there's Luce's law: "No good deed goes unpunished." And if you don't believe that you should try running a square dance for a couple of years. I wonder if Luce was a caller?

Everybody seems to have got into the act, even Daizy. After driving to square dances all over the country Daizy's Law states, "You always catch the slowest semi-trailer at the end of the passing lane."

My friend Dodgy was a systems analyst for an international airline. He spent his working week flying around the world designing computer programs. Tough life, huh? Dodgy was always fascinated when he returned to an office after some months to find that people often worked out how to use his programs to do things he hadn't even considered.

Now there's an idea.

Have you ever noticed how creative some dancers become? They do unexpected things (like weaving the ring in the wrong direction or trying to start a do paso with their corner) and, when the square breaks down, giggle nervously and expect everybody to forgive them.

We only need to apply Dodgy's Revelation to that sort of situation and we get Dozy's Law. – "If there is only one possible way to interpret a call somebody will always find an alternative."

When I die I'm going to bequeath all my money to build a retreat for square dance callers so they can have their nervous breakdowns in seclusion.