Blackout

I've never met a square dancer yet who didn't enjoy a cuppa at supper time, but have you ever wondered what the most important ingredient is? It's the water. If you don't believe me try chewing a cup of dry instant coffee. Yuk!

And after a couple of unfortunate experiences recently I've decided that the most important thing at a square dance is the electricity.

Twice in the past six months I've been to dances that were blacked out – the first at Mount Victoria and the second during Sydney's big storm last month when much of the city lost power for several days.

You can try all sorts of things to work around it. At Mount Victoria we called the dances with no amplification. Never again! It's too hard on the throat. The second time, having learned from the experience, we adjourned to the caller's home for a long, friendly supper.

I realised that we've become too soft because, after all, the early callers had no electricity. That's when I found the solution and it's so obvious you'll wonder why nobody thought of it till now.

You don't need to carry an emergency power supply in your boot. Next time your dance is blacked out you will only need a metronome set to measure 128 beats a minute.

Once it's ticking merrily away you separate the group into two halves: the dancers who will dance and the clappers who will clap. All the caller needs to do then is shout out the cues in time with the clapping which is, of course, in time with the metronome.

Now here's the clever bit.

Unobtrusively the caller speeds up the metronome, a little at a time. The clapping speed will slowly increase, taking the dancing speed with it until it reaches about 150 beats a minute.

I promise, after a couple of brackets the dancers will be ready to call it a night and you can retire from the dance hall with honour.