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I'm sick of this I am tired of feeling this way and I want this to stop. No one really knows what this is like, the fatigue and the boredom that it eschews kills me emotionally. I'm frustrated and at my wits end I'm jake of the numb lip I want it investigated further I don't think it a magnesium defiance. My right leg is heavy and my right arm is also causing me some problem and my focus is going a bit screwy. My doctor says that my body is worn out, it's in shut down mode, this episode of chronic fatigue I have is severe. Everything is just brining me down and I'm tired of fighting what I can't win. I feel like I m going nowhere because every time I get some momentum something lose crops up to lay me flat. How ling can one be bothered trying to stay upright when you know you're only going to fall. It's not as matter of feeling sorry for myself it's the reality of how I'm feeling, my head hurts and I'm to tired to cry over my health and how it impacts on my esteem and sense of worth.

I have no energy for this self pity or trying to process what is a constant feeling of dread I would rather just sleep and wake up better but that does not occur I sleep and wake up tired and sleep some more and wake up tired and sleep some more. Except sometimes it's not sleep I have to lay down or I'd fall down so I lay there listening to the wheels turn in my head, the wheels that turn and tell me that I have to lay here because I can't do anything else because anything else wears me out. I go out to Blacktown to pick up books simple task and then I'm flat on my back for three days with a insatiable exhaustion. I feel like my fatigue is eating me alive cell by cell. And this depression of the facts only adds to my dismal state of affairs, yes I'm depressed.

I feel like I need replenishing from some miracle fountain, take me to the shot of life inject me up with 100 cc units that would cure me. If only I could gather my thoughts and find some clarity, articulate what I'm feeling. I have this constant inner shake like my nerves are on high alert and causes a constant light tremble throughout my entire body. I can feel it within, the shake, a quiver that stretches throughout my entire being. It's quite bizarre to feel like your whole body is trembling and you can't work out how to stop it. It drives me crazy and I don't feel like I can talk about it to any one because I fear people thinking I'm crazy and put me away. But I don't want this mania that is occurring to continue I feel like I am going insane. I'm so fucking sick of being sick this is the straw and my camel is exhausted so worn that she can't pick up her feet and drink the water that will revive her, she's fallen over unable to solve it all so she lays there and is slowing decaying in the sun.